No Title...Chapter? Part 1

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Alright...This is going to be a chapter out of a book I am writing. Not quite sure where it is going to go, but...If you any comments, please post them. This is only a part 1 of a chapter. There is more coming. Enjoy!




The car came out of nowhere.

I had turned around a bend in the road. It was pitch black outside. My headlights illuminated the road in front of me. Classical music was playing in the background.

Bright lights blinded me and a loud crash erupted. As if in slow motion, I saw the dashboard draw closer to me. Glass shattered and the rough seatbelt jerked me back.

The dashboard grew closer to my chest and with a loud pop, the airbags burst open.

Stars erupted before my eyes and everything went black.


I smelled the blood and plastic. I didn’t know how long I’d been unconscious.
My head was throbbing and my ankle sent shocks of pain through me every now and then. I opened my eyes slowly and took in the mess before me.

The windshield was completely gone, as were the side and back windows. The airbags had deflated and lay limp. The passenger seat was pierced with glass and metal.
My right hand clutched my seat and my knuckles were beginning to turn white.

I wanted to check myself over to see if I had been hurt, but I was crushed between seat and plastic. The only thing I could move was my right arm.

I slowly moved it and felt a sharp pain run up my arm. I gasped and lay my arm back down. I had a feeling that something was broken but began to move my arm again.

I sifted through the mess inside my car until I found my purse. I prayed to God that my cell phone hadn’t been harmed.

With much effort, I managed to pull out the medium sized purse and grab my cell phone. I sighed with relief when I saw that it hadn’t been harmed. I flipped open the phone and began dialing 9-1-1.

It took me a while to get the numbers right. My hand was shaking badly and the pain was making my fingers numb.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?” The dispatcher asked. I drew in a breath. “I-I’ve been in a c-car accident.” “Where are you located?” “I-I’m right around Clarkson road. I think…” I didn’t know how far I had gotten before the crash.

“Alright ma’am, we’re sending somebody out right now. Are you injured?” “Yes.” I said, moving my arm and leg. Once again, pain shot through me like a bullet.

“Can you get out of your car?” Ringing could be heard through the phone. “No, I’m jammed.” “Alright ma’am, we’re on our way. Just stay where you are and don’t move.” “Thank you” I said. “You’re welcome.”

I hung up the phone and sighed. What had happened? Was I driving on the other side of the line? Was I swerving? It had all happened so fast that I didn’t know.

I waited for the fire trucks and police to arrive. It was taking them a bit to find me, so I decided to relax and try to calm my nerves. Although I was wedged between my seat and the dashboard, I managed to slide down a bit and lay my head back.




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Hi. I saw there were no reviews yet so I decided to read the piece and review it.

The overall expression for me is that it kind of hits the reader in the face right in the beginning. There's no description, we don't even know whether the narrator is man or woman, boy or girl. There are just details about the car crash and I think it's a riskful way to start a book.

I slowly moved it and felt a sharp pain run up my arm. I gasped and lay my arm back down. I had a feeling that something was broken but began to move my arm again.


Too many "my arm"s in a row, could you maybe replace some of them or even delete the last one? "...began to move again." To me, it could work, too.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?” The dispatcher asked. I drew in a breath. “I-I’ve been in a c-car accident.” “Where are you located?” “I-I’m right around Clarkson road. I think…” I didn’t know how far I had gotten before the crash.


This is just one example of not hitting "enter" after a quote. New speech must have its own line, you can't put them one after another like this.

I suggest you edit these parts and tell us more about the character. Experience. Unfortunately I didn't get very interested in this, but maybe you could PM me when you've edited it and I could give it one more try? Good luck and all the best for you!

Demeter xx
"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

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