Mistakes Never Forgotten

I have gone too far
Just to claim what is mine.
The stars in the sky will never say a word
No witnesses in the dark.

I clench my fists
Having stated my intentions, knowing
There’s no way out of this encounter
And I’m not living to see the next day.

What have I begun?
I fear the sun and its arrival
Because I no longer can hide
From what has been made divine

There are no excuses I can create
No serenity in this void
Because the chaos I’ve ridden
I’ve created with my own hands
So I bury my head in the dirt
The stars are still silent
But they fade away
And the guilt lightens up the sky
As the sky turns blue
And I know that I am done.

Krupp wrote:I have gone too far
Just to claim what is mine. Like the enigmatic beginning.
The stars in the sky will never say a word
No witnesses in the dark. Nice image!

I clench my fists
Having stated my intentions, knowing
There’s no way out of this encounter
And I’m not living to see the next day.

What have I begun? I like the rhetorical question.
I fear the sun and its arrival
Because I no longer can hide
From what has been made divine This needs punctuation!

There are no excuses I can create Turn this around; make it simpler.
No serenity in this void
Because the chaos I’ve ridden Ridden? Doesn't sound like the right word.
I’ve created with my own hands
I bury my head in the dirt
The stars are still silent
But they fade away
And the guilt lightens up the sky Excellent image!
As the sky turns blue Redundant; get rid of it.
And I know that I am done. Break this up! Punctuate!

You have some interesting ideas here but you don't show enough. Explore with more imagery: instead of saying:

"I fear the sun and its arrival."

Try: "The sun dawns on my eternal hell."

Not a great example, I know, but you get the idea. You pepper your feelings with some really nice imagery; now give us more of it.

Good work overall. 7.5/10

Hey Krupp. Hokay- well, Gahks has pretty much picked up on my biggest problem with this piece. There's too much telling- it's just really not subtle enough for my liking. Here's an example:

I have gone too far

Telling.

I clench my fists

Again, telling

I fear the sun

Need I continue?

That doesn't mean that I didn't like this piece. I was really rooting for it to be good- but it just fell short of what good poetry is in my opinion. On the up-side you've got some fab imagery, especially towards the end which brings it to a nice conclusion. It's just that you really do need to show the reader more.

Keep writing,

Eimear