Bubbling, chapter 2

It's always this kind of romantic atmosphere in new places. It's fun to imagine being for example Sara from "Little Princess" who's having a feast in the attic. Of course, it's also a little wistful when you know you're going to spend the whole summer separated from everything familiar. I am not going to use the phrase "have to", because I don't know yet whether this is having to or maybe, being allowed to? You can't know yet, can you? Well, at first I really was thinking I was forced to come here, but that feeling disappeared when I met Mrs Chevrolet in the airport.

"Just call me Ebony", she had said, but I don't really feel comfortable calling new people by given names. Even though they have very beautiful ones. Satin, Velvet and Ebony. Mrs Chevrolet moved heaven to earth to praise my name too, and I do like it, but personally I wouldn't use so much energy just to adore somebody's daily name.

Mrs Chevrolet is nice. She was very friendly asking about my life on the way here. I got to sit in the front seat. Melbourne is really big compared to Willows. I wonder if I can even move around in here.

Although Mrs Chevrolet assumed that Satin would willingly show me around, I'm still a little suspicious. I know what the city girls can be like. I've read books. Of course, you shouldn't have prejudices.

It's late, but I'm not tired. Mrs Chevrolet went already to bed. My room is too cozy and the atmosphere too exciting for me to fall asleep. No – I'll stay up. In here, the nights are so light, unlike in Willows. You don't even need the moon when the lights of the city are so bright. The light of a lamppost hits the little lacey tablecloth on the mint green table. The ornamental, sofa-like bed of iron is on the right wall when looked at from the doorstep. My bedspread is of the same colour than the table, and on it there are some fluffy pillows. The dark parquet floor is covered by a lovely white carpet.

I'm actually starting to sound like an estate agent.

Really comfortable room. It's like I've lived here for my whole life. But that's me. When I've examined the place closely, it feels like my own. It makes the life a lot easier, if you have to be a long time in a strange place.

I start to unpack my luggage. This is just the right time to fold clothes and place them in the closet. All the nine shelves fill with my clothes. I wouldn't really even need this much of them, but I didn't have anything else to do before my departure than to cram more stuff into my bag. I packed the most important things first – some books, notebooks, pencils and a little pot of soap water to make soap bubbles. Those are my conditions of life.

I wonder what Satin is like? Usually, if I was still in Willows, I wouldn't stress this much about things I know nothing about. Oh well. I'm not stressing. But I just remember so many occasions in where I've worried so much about something, and afterward noticed the worrying was all in vain.

For ages, I haven't bothered to spend any negative thoughts for things I haven't gone through. Because it's all useless. Okay – call me over-optimistic, but things have always gone that way for me. And for everyone I know. Once some of my classmates got a C from a test, and she cried that all afternoon, but the next day she'd forgotten all about it. I believe that everything goes always alright in the end. There aren't many things that didn't have something good in them.

So, I don't really care if Satin is an annoying city snob or a quiet little mouse. Either way, it's going to be just fine. That's how it goes. Besides, it could always be worse.

Maybe I should sleep a little after all. I guess it wouldn't be very polite to keep yawning on my first day in Melbourne. Oh, the name Melbourne makes me so adventurous.

It's 12:57 A.M. according to the digital clock (which I've never had, because the electronics section in a Willowsian shop includes only nutcrackers) on the wall. My own watch says the time being 12:56, though.

Now I'm starting to feel tired. I lift the green bedspread and place it carefully next to the bed. There are red polka dots in the white blanket. I put on my Dad's old basketball shirt and think quickly of the great dancing sequences in Grease so I would dream about them. I like musicals a lot, and besides, John Travolta is such a good actor.

Hey, D. Just got a spare minute.

So the mystery girl is upon us? I like her already. She seems...strong.

Good portrayal of her character here:

So, I don't really care if Satin is an annoying city snob or a quiet little mouse. Either way, it's going to be just fine. That's how it goes. Besides, it could always be worse.

So great progression. Your writing is very interesting. My only problem is that I would say that it isn't moving fast enough. I would maybe add this to chapter one, breaking up the two viewpoints with *'s.

Other than that, keep posting! I'll keep reading and reviewing!

Hope,

Eimear xx

Demeter wrote:It's always this kind of romantic atmosphere in new places. It's fun to imagine being comma for example Sara from "Little Princess" who's having a feast in the attic. Of course, it's also a little wistful when you know you're going to spend the whole summer separated from everything that's familiar. I am not going to use the phrase "have to", because I don't know yet whether this is having to or maybe, being allowed to? You can't know yet, can you? Well, at first I really was thinking I was forced to come here, but that feeling disappeared when I met Mrs Chevrolet in the airport.

"Just call me Ebony", she had said, but I don't really feel comfortable calling new people by given names. Even though they have very beautiful ones. Satin, Velvet and Ebony. Mrs Chevrolet moved heaven to earth to praise my name too, and I do like it, but personally I wouldn't use so much energy just to adore somebody's daily name.

Mrs Chevrolet Don't repeat "Mrs. Chevrolet" all the time is nice. She was very friendly comma asking about my life on the way here. I got to sit in the front seat. Melbourne is really big compared to Willows. I wonder if I can even move around in here.

Although Mrs Chevrolet assumed that Satin would willingly show me around, I'm still a little suspicious. I know what the city girls can be like. I've read books. Of course, you shouldn't have prejudices. This last sentence sounds unfinished, like there's a "but..." missing

It's late, but I'm not tired. Mrs Chevrolet went already to bed. My room is too cozy and the atmosphere too exciting for me to fall asleep. No – I'll stay up. In here, the nights are so light, unlike in Willows. You don't even need the moon when the lights of the city are so bright. The light find a synonym for "light" of a lamppost hits the little lacey tablecloth on the mint green table. The ornamental, sofa-like bed of iron is on the right wall when looked at from the doorstep. My bedspread is of the same colour than the table, and on it there are some fluffy pillows. The dark parquet floor is covered by a lovely white carpet. Nice descritpions

I'm actually starting to sound like an estate agent.

Really comfortable room. It's like I've lived here for my whole life. But that's me. When I've examined the place closely, it feels like my own. It makes the life a lot easier, if you have to be a long time in a strange place.

I start to unpack my luggage. This is just the right time to fold clothes and place them in the closet. All the nine shelves fill with my clothes. I wouldn't really even need this much of them, but I didn't have anything else to do before my departure than to cram more stuff into my bag. I packed the most important things first – some books, notebooks, pencils and a little pot of soap water to make soap bubbles. Those are my conditions of life. Reconsider word choice - conditions?

I wonder what Satin is like? Usually, if I was still in Willows, I wouldn't stress this much about things I know nothing about. Oh well. I'm not stressing. But I just remember so many occasions in where I've worried so much about something, and afterward noticed the worrying was all in vain.

For ages, I haven't bothered to spend any negative thoughts for things I haven't gone through This sentence makes little sense, sorry . Because it's all useless. Okay – call me over-optimistic, but things have always gone that way for me. And for everyone I know. Once some of my classmates got a C from a test, and she cried that all afternoon, but the next day she'd forgotten all about it Um, can you really not think of a better example? This is just... sad . I believe that everything goes always alright in the end. There aren't many things that didn't have something good in them.

So, I don't really care if Satin is an annoying city snob or a quiet little mouse. Either way, it's going to be just fine. That's how it goes. Besides, it could always be worse.

Maybe I should sleep a little after all. I guess it wouldn't be very polite to keep yawning on my first day in Melbourne. Oh, the name Melbourne makes me so adventurous.

It's 12:57 A.M. according to the digital clock (which I've never had, because the electronics section in a Willowsian shop includes only nutcrackers) on the wall. My own watch says the time being 12:56, though.

Now I'm starting to feel tired. I lift the green bedspread and place it carefully next to the bed. There are red polka dots in the white blanket. I put on my Dad's old basketball shirt and think quickly of the great dancing sequences in Grease so I would dream about them. I like musicals a lot, and besides, John Travolta is such a good actor.

Ok, I like the switch of characters and, again, good character development. However, I feel like some of the info you've included is a bit... pointless.

Maybe it's the fact that not all your paragaphs link up - you jump from one topic tothe next really fast. Watch that, please.

But in general - great! Keep writing

Demeter wrote:It's always this kind of romantic atmosphere in new places. It's fun to imagine being, for example Sara from "Little Princess" who's having a feast in the attic. Of course, it's also a little wistful when you know you're going to spend the whole summer separated from everything familiar.I am not going to use the phrase "have to", because I don't know yet whether this is having to or maybe, being allowed to? You can't know yet, can you? This sentence just sounded like rambling. Take it out.Well, at first I really was thinking I was forced to come here, but that feeling disappeared when I met Mrs Chevrolet in the airport.

"Just call me Ebony", she had said, but I don't really feel comfortable calling new people by given names. Even though they have very beautiful ones. Satin, Velvet and Ebony. Mrs Chevrolet moved heaven to earth to praise my name too, and I do like it, but personally I wouldn't use so much energy just to adore somebody's daily name. haha

Mrs Chevrolet is nice. Expand maybe? Or were you meaning for it to be short and sweet? Never mind. (:She was very friendly asking about my life on the way here. I got to sit in the front seat. Bit awkward. Rephrase? Just my nitpicking. Melbourne is really big compared to Willows. I wonder if (whether)I can even move around in here.

Although Mrs Chevrolet assumed that Satin would willingly show me around, I'm still a little suspicious. I know what the city girls can be like. I've read books. Of course, you shouldn't have prejudices.

The light of a lamppost hits the little lacey tablecloth on the mint green table. The ornamental, sofa-like bed of iron is on the right wall when looked at from the doorstep. My bedspread is of the same colour than the table, and on it there are some fluffy pillows. The dark parquet floor is covered by a lovely white carpet. I loved this description (:

I'm actually starting to sound like an estate agent. haha. made me laugh

Really comfortable room. It's like I've lived here for my whole life. But that's me. When I've examined the place closely, it feels like my own. It makes the life a lot easier, if you have to be a long time in a strange place.

I start to unpack my luggage. This is just the right time to fold clothes and place them in the closet. All the nine shelves fill with my clothes. I wouldn't really even need this much of them, but I didn't have anything else to do before my departure than to cram more stuff into my bag. I packed the most important things first – some books, notebooks, pencils and a little pot of soap water to make soap bubbles. Those are my conditions of life. This last sentence doesn't make sense. Scrap it or rephrase.
I wonder what Satin is like? Usually, if I was still in Willows, I wouldn't stress this much about things I know nothing about. Oh well. I'm not stressing. But I just remember so many occasions in where I've worried so much about something, and afterward noticed the worrying was all in vain.

For ages, I haven't bothered to spend any negative thoughts for things I haven't gone through. Because it's all useless. Okay – call me over-optimistic, but things have always gone that way for me. And for everyone I know. Once some of my classmates got a C from a test, and she cried that all afternoon, but the next day she'd forgotten all about it. I believe that everything goes always alright in the end. There aren't many things that didn't have something good in them. How true (: But you need to rephrase: There aren't many things that don't have something good in them

So, I don't really care if Satin is an annoying city snob or a quiet little mouse. Either way, it's going to be just fine. That's how it goes. Besides, it could always be worse.

Maybe I should sleep a little after all. I guess it wouldn't be very polite to keep yawning on my first day in Melbourne. Oh, the name Melbourne makes me so adventurous.

It's 12:57 A.M. according to the digital clock (which I've never had, because the electronics section in a Willowsian shop includes only nutcrackers)Bit confusing on the wall. My own watch says the time being 12:56, though. (My own watch says the time is 12:56, though.)
Now I'm starting to feel tired. I lift the green bedspread and place it carefully next to the bed. There are red polka dots in the white blanket. I put on my Dad's old basketball shirt and think quickly of the great dancing sequences in Grease so I would dream about them. I like musicals a lot, and besides, John Travolta is such a good actor.

True True![/b]


Again, I liked this and it made me laugh.
Will keep commenting on your chapters so far.

x

Demeter-
I'm liking this. I also like how you switch from Satin's POV to her cousin's. Gives us more insight.

Man, I should totally watch a Little Princess again. Thanks, for reminding me! -- Gotta love that movie.

I'm starting to get used to their names. I thought they were weird at first, but I like them now. Ebony. Cute name. Oh, and their last name sounds '50ish.

Now a girl who cries over a C, I'm not going to say my opinion.

Oh. Oh. I feel like watching Grease, too!

Well, I do like to read more of this story. Which I will. Great job!

-Merry

Single quote again.

Demeter wrote:It's always this kind of romantic atmosphere in new places. It's fun to imagine being for example Sara from "Little Princess" who's having a feast in the attic. Of course, it's also a little wistful when you know you're going to spend the whole summer separated from everything familiar. I am not going to use the phrase "have to", I'd italicize not, and you used speech quotes because I don't know yet whether this is having to or maybe, being allowed to? You can't know yet, can you? The second question feels, odd. Well, at first I really was thinking I was forced to come here, but that feeling disappeared when I met Mrs Chevrolet in the airport.

"Just call me Ebony", she had said, but I don't really feel comfortable calling new people by given names. Even though they have very beautiful ones. colon instead of a period Satin, Velvet and Ebony. Mrs Chevrolet moved heaven to earth to praise my name too, and I do like it, but personally I wouldn't use so much energy just to adore somebody's daily name.

Mrs Chevrolet is nice. She was very friendly asking about my life on the way here. I got to sit in the front seat. Melbourne is really big compared to Willows. I wonder if I can even move around in here. The last line I don't get.

Although Mrs Chevrolet assumed that Satin would willingly show me around, I'm still a little suspicious. I know what the city girls can be like. I've read books. Of course, you shouldn't have prejudices. Ellipse maybe?

It's late, but I'm not tired. Mrs Chevrolet went already to bed. My room is too cozy and the atmosphere too exciting for me to fall asleep. No – I'll stay up. In here, the nights are so light, unlike in Willows. You don't even need the moon when the lights of the city are so bright. The light of a lamppost hits the little lacey tablecloth on the mint green table. The ornamental, that comma's not needed sofa-like bed of iron is on the right wall when looked at from the doorstep. My bedspread is of the same colour than the table, and on it there are some fluffy pillows. The dark parquet floor is covered by a lovely white carpet.

I'm actually starting to sound like an estate agent. I love this line!

Really comfortable room. It's like I've lived here for my whole life. But that's me. When I've examined the place closely, it feels like my own. It makes the life a lot easier, if when? you have to be a long time in a strange place.

I start to unpack my luggage. This is just the right time to fold clothes and place them in the closet. All the nine shelves fill with my clothes. I wouldn't really even need this much of them'of them' what? It's not needed, but I didn't have anything else to do before my departure other than to cram more stuff into my bag. I packed the most important things first – some books, notebooks, pencils and a little pot of soap water to make soap bubbles. Those are my conditions of life. Gives a great insight into her character.

I wonder what Satin is like? Usually, if I was still in Willows, I wouldn't stress this much about things I know nothing about. Oh well. I'm not stressing. But I just remember so many occasions in where I've worried so much about something, and afterward noticed the worrying was all in vain.

For ages, I haven't bothered to spend any negative thoughts for things I haven't gone through. Because it's all useless. Okay – call me over-optimistic, but things have always gone that way for me. And for everyone I know. Once some some is plural, and you're talking about one person in the next line of my classmates got a C from on instead of from a test, and she cried that all afternoon, but the next day she'd forgotten all about it. I believe that everything goes always alright in the end. There aren't many things that didn't have something good in them.

So, I don't really care if Satin is an annoying city snob or a quiet little mouse. Either way, it's going to be just fine. That's how it goes. Besides, it could always be worse.

Maybe I should sleep a little after all. I guess it wouldn't be very polite to keep yawning on my first day in Melbourne. Oh, the name Melbourne makes me so adventurous.

It's 12:57 A.M. according to the digital clock (which I've never had, because the electronics section in a Willowsian shop includes only nutcrackers The nutcracker reference is something I don't get.) on the wall. My own watch says the time being 12:56, though.

Now I'm starting to feel tired. I lift the green bedspread and place it carefully next to the bed. There are red polka dots in the white blanket. I put on my Dad's old basketball shirt and think quickly of the great dancing sequences in Grease Italics aren't needed in my opinion so I would dream about them. I like musicals a lot, and besides, John Travolta is such a good actor.

Other then it took me a minute to realize this was a different viewpoint this was clearer then chapter 1. We get an insight into Sarah's character, how she's more a bookworm then a fashionista. But compared to the defining characteristics of Satin, this is a little thin. We don't know what she's wearing or what her hair looks like (I'm sure we will as soon as Satin sees her, but just to point out) or even what her favourite things in life are.

Another thing I just noticed, the musical reference seems like a tacked on thing without much substance to it. Perhaps if you added some other musicals she liked.

A good way to continue the story by changing the POV . I rather like this more than the first chapter, as do I the character .

I'm actually starting to sound like an estate agent.

This is a very nice touch.

(which I've never had, because the electronics section in a Willowsian shop includes only nutcrackers)

I know this is from the I POV, but I still think you should never use ()s in a story.

Jatka samaan malliin, ja levitä suomalaisuutta...no englanniksikin voi levittää suomalaisuutta kai. Eläköön suomi, ja sen monet lahjakkaat kirjoittajat(tarkoittaen minua, Anssia ja sinua. Ja ehkä sitä Waltari hemmoa kanssa )!