Separated

2 posts
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Gender Female
Points 4890
Reviews 516
Does it hurt,
When you’re
Bleeding.
Time’s always here
In the warmth of my arms
And you’re sitting there
Freezing.

Don’t leave me. Just hold on to my
Breathing. Now

It’s cool
That you love me.
You only saw what your eyes came across
When you lay there above me.

And it stings,
When you feel me.
I’m always slowly closing. Now.

Open your eyes, and wish you were in here
Within here
Near here
The shadow of shower sheers.

Wrapping me close, in your arms
Hu-humming, our melody
In my ears.
And never let go-o.

Oh my sheets
How they’ve missed you
My eyes, hands, and waist, legs
My out and my in babe
And all else that’s kissed you

Just don’t feel me. I. Can’t. Take. You. Near. Me. Now.

You were gone.
And I was a lone.
The person, that worsens
And turn sins in circles
We rehearsed this, and you know

I can’t breathe. I just exhale, while I’m waiting. Now.

Open your eyes, and wish you were in here
Within here
Near here
The shadow of shower sheers.

Wrapping me close, in your arms
Hu-humming, our melody
In my ears.
And never let go-o.

We’re gone.

(repeat 3 times)

End.
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 28
wow =]

You really used a lot of good imagary in there ^.^

The first verse is my faourite i think, and a catching opener.

And also, it seems quite sexy, especially with some of the lines, and the seventh verse.

It flows quie well to, you can imagine a melody or tune in the background, it'd make a really good song =]]

Its very powerful and visual to, i am going to see if you have any more ^.^

Really good, well done, Eva XxXxX
XxXxX



I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
— Roald Dahl