Eat it up

Bland feelings.

Blunt passion.

Is this what I deserve?
Hopeless affections.
Cheating on me, again;
Man, you have a nerve.

So, you go and move away
To another state.
Didn't even say good-bye.
Okay, your mistake.

You don't know what you're missing,
But I know what I am.
I'm missing a worthless pig,
who was a complete sham.

So, eat it up.
I'm not missing you anymore.
Eat it up! Finally, I can close the door;
Poof. You're gone.

Read it and weep.
I'm not single,
but you are.
Cry over it for awhile,
Guess what, he's not cheap,
and he has a car.

So choke on your fast food
while I'm livin' it up
without you.

You sure have a lot of feelings of this kind in your poems. The problem is, it makes them very much similar to each other. But I know poetry is a good way to impress one's feelings.

I still sort of liked the angry atmosphere of this. I can relate to you even though I've not gone through this kind of things, but yeah. I've felt angry at someone certain a few times, and I can totally imagine writing this kind of poetry to let it out.

My way of using "this kind of" really starts to annoy me. Sorry.

All the best
Demeter

Thanks. I kind of changed it a bit, so thanks for your advice.

Oh, this is great. It is funny. Not bad funny but the rhyming and the words you choose really transmit the joy you're feeling. Like, we're happy about the fact you're over him, we're happy about the fact that he's now miserable and we're laugh every time you insult him. And make it rhyme too. It's also funny because I just wrote a big poem calling a girl a whore, it's nice to read that kind of thing from a woman. It's just a joy to read. It sounds well, it sounds good. I don't really know how to review poetry because I don't write poetry, but I think you did amazingly well. Congrats.

Pure navelgazing, and it's quite cliche, you should instead show us, don't tell! Guh... Because until you do, I'll keep saying the same thing. Until you learn to remedy these mistakes, then all poetry you post, will revolve around the same problem. A constant Merry-Go-Round and barrage of blunt honesty. Now, my suggestions to fix this, read more poetry of the greats, and look for poetry on here whom the older and more refined members think is good. Think of it this way. You're being read a story you read and you've read so much like it, you just want them to stop and pick up another. (bad analogy).

Overall: Look Here ad try to stop telling instead show us. That's my best advice.

Good luck
VSN

Vernon, all of my work isn't ever good enough for you, is it? Actually, I thought that compared to my other pieces that this is not a navel-gazing piece. Maybe a little cliche,
but, I'm working on it. You don't have to be so harsh.

fantastic! love the rhyming! Great job! can't wait for more!

I love this poem.

Just, try to work on the punctuation a bit, please.
It's actually over-punctuated.
That, and the rhythm is just a wee bit off.

Because I have OCD, I'm going to correct the punctuation for you:



Bland feelings.

Blunt passion.


Is this what I deserve?

Hopeless affections;

Cheating on me, again.

Man, you have a nerve.



So, you go and move away

To another state.

Didn't even say good-bye.

Okay, your mistake.



You don't know what you're missing,

But I know what I am.

I'm missing a worthless pig,

who was a complete sham.



So, eat it up.

I'm not missing you anymore.

Eat it up! Finally, I can close the door;

You're gone.



Read it and weep.

I'm not single,

but you are.

Cry over it for awhile.

Guess what, he's not cheap,

and he has a car.



So choke on your fast food

while I'm livin' it up

without you.

I liked it. But it seemed like you were taking to the person that dumped you instead of writing the poem. Try talking got him, but in a poetic way. Insult him in a educated way. Overall its a good poem. I think it would make better song lyrics. I could see this being played on the radio. I don't know. Do whatever you think is necessary.

Wow. Hate that guy with a passion much;)?

Anyways, it was great. I enjoyed it. You went into great detail without being too deep about it and I applaude you for it! *round of applause for you!*

I really loved how you told him to just go eat it. It's so angry and though it's not as beautiful and flowy as most pieces, it fits because the poem is about pure anger and it all just fiits and blends in perfectly.

I think Nolan pointed out the grammatical errors for me so really, there's not much to crit about now.

Still, you did an awesome job and I give you another round of applause for it *second round of applause*! Amazing!

0(o.o)0

Wow. Thanks you guys. That's all that I can say. Realy. Thanks!