Papa

This is a song my friend wrote and needs help with so she asked me to post it for her (: help please?

Even though you're way up there, away and out of sight
I know I'll stay strong, 'cause I'll always look inside in a place I call my heart,
just hope I wont fall apart

When we got the call I knew something was wrong,
but I didnt wanna think it was you but when I found out
I had to shout out ohh ooo.

You called me your best friend said y'll be here 'til the end
papa and me we sang happily
I know you are gone, I will stay strong
as long as I have to be

Um...It's okay. it doesn't flow at all. It's very brief and sketchy. add more and make it longer. Try and make it flow more. who's dying? why? what happened? How's she feeling? not that all these are necessary, but some feeling is. I think it needs to be longer and flow more. Besides that, it was good.

Jamie

Same here...but if it's not your own work I don't believe you're allowed to post it...I'll go ask...

~Lulu