I looked blankly at the medical paper I held weakly in my
hands. I could hardly breathe. What a poor fait to the person this
report belonged too- the diagnosis was leukemia. The poor person
had not known it was coming- not even known it was near her.
Like a sly lion it had slowly came up on its innocent victim- the
graceful gazelle. Watching her every move - imagining taking her
poor life away and feasting on her flesh, blood and chewing on her
bones. Anyone could have been the gazelle, young, old, the rich, the
poor, and yet it seamed to lurk on the most pathetic, for I was the
gazelle.
What had I done wrong in life? Why was this happening to me?
Millions of questions raced through my head as I dropped the paper
to the floor. Was I deserving?
As a child, I had always been the odd one out. Little Becky
Coleman- the shy girl. Through the years of primary, elementary an
junior high, in my small stable class of eighteen, I had never been a
friend to no one, yet I was talked about enough. I was sure I was in
an underwater cage with windows. There was no way I could get
away from their pointing and laughing. Children talked about me and
at me, but never to me. There was so much I wanted to say back- to
yell- but I could never bring myself to do so. There was too much
water in my lungs. Being under water had its downsides obviously.
And that was the way I lived. Alone and misunderstood.
Into junior high things went from bad to worse. The children
who had made fun of me when we were young, had turned into
teenagers who taunted and used me like I was a Kleenex instead of
a human . Soon afterward, I found my new friend- Mr. Razor and the
crimson tears he cried every time he touched me, which mixed with
mine as they went down the drain.
Things were going from bad to worse until suddenly- high
school happened. Grad ten year at my new school I met my first ever
friend- Mae-Mae Luella. Mae-Mae had been popular at her old school
and was still, until she met me. The day we became best friends was
the day I stopped being friends with Mr. Razor. After we started to
hang out, her friends ditched her, and started to make fun of both of
us. To this day I have no idea why she didn’t just walk away from me,
but she stayed right along side of me- and I have been grateful ever
since. Gradually they stopped making fun of us which was surprising
to me- nobody was making fun of me…I could live life beautifully like
I had always imagined. I felt like a gazelle. Graceful and happy in her
herd. I gradually made more friends, and even joined a club that
focused on helping cancer patients.
I was living life to the fullest. I had never been happier. I raced
through the beautiful plane with my herd carefree, Oblivious to the
monster that soon planned to destroy me. Then it hit me.
A long lost tear trickled down my cheek. Was my time really
over? I picked up the paper off the floor and read the beauty black,
bold print.
“ procedure pointless. patient it given an approximate six months to
live.”
There it was. Six months to make up for sixteen years of laughter
and friendship. It was impossible….wasn’t it?
No. it couldn’t be. I suddenly felt a rush of determination. It may be
impossible to make up for sixteen years of fun, but it wasn’t
impossible to have the kind of fun you’d be lucky to have in a lifetime.
And I wouldn’t do it alone- I’d take my lifesaver with me.
Excitement filled my system.
Although it was slipping through my fingers- life was about to get as
sweet as it could get.
The next few months were full of travel for Mae-Mae, our
families and I. First we had traveled to Disneyland then shanghai and
Tokyo. Mae-Mae and I had gone sky diving in Montana, and scuba
diving and bungee jumping in Hawaii. (although our parents
disapproved)
Lucky for me, the club I was in that helped cancer patients, donated
lots of money that made it possible for me to “live the life” I had never
been happier. I had spend the last five and a half months with my
best friend and our families- and I still had my long silky black hair!
I had absolutely, by far made up for my sixteen years lost and even a
little bit more.
Although about two weeks ago, just back a few days from our trip, I
started to have severe pain in my chest. I was with Mae-Mae at the
time, we were alone at my house. She started to cry rashly and
hurried for the phone to call 911- but I begged her not to. This was
the way I wanted to die- in the presence of my best friend, in the
place I knew best- not some old ambulance. I may have been being
selfish but I couldn’t help it- this was how I need to leave.
“Becky please don’t leave!” She mourned as she hugged me close.
“come on Mae-Mae, its time” I tried to consul her. Although I had
dreaded this time since I had herd about it- for some reason I was
not scared. Becky seamed more upset than I.
“No…no its not!” she pleaded as I gasped for air.
“Becky..”
“Mae-Mae please don’t cry….” I gasped. “I need you to be strong
for….for everyone else” I gasped once again. My head suddenly felt
heavy and I knew it was about time.
“But..but..” she pushed through tears
“Promise me Becky…please…you’re my…best friend I ever…had” I
gasped slower. “I love you…. Let my parents…. know I love…them..
Too”
I closed my eyes. I was so tired. So this is what it was like to die.
“I promise. I love you too Becky” she gulped as she swallowed her
tears hard.
My eyes fluttered opened. “that was all I needed to hear……” and I
drifted into a deep sleep as my eyes closed for a last time.
My parents found me dead in Mae-Mae’s arms later that evening.
Both her and my parents had cried numerous amounts of tears…but
few came from Becky. She became their comfort which helped her
own grief. I had always known she was strong.
Later on in life everyone finally moved on in the best way that they
could- which pleased me. I was also happy to see I wasn’t forgotten.
Every year, Mae-Mae, her parents, and mine celebrate my birthday in
happiness. I suppose it makes them feel closer to me. It makes me
giggle sometimes how they don’t know I am with them all the time
anyways. Well, Mae-Mae knows. (I visited her last year- she was a
little freaked out that she was seeing an angle but she accepted it )
I suppose I will tell the folks sometime soon.
Life gives you surprises all the time. I was just a late bloomer on
them. Mae-Mae was mine. And the little surprises turned into big
ones like shanghai and Hawaii. You never know what life is going to
give you next- it could be life, or even death. Whatever the case, you
should be ready. Live every day like it was your last and mean
everything you say. Laugh frequently and most of all, treasure your
friends.
