How god has alloted the earth

I want to tell you The legend about Georgia - Sakartvelo: When Godfather allotted lands to a mankind, Georgians where not there. They had feast, standing toast for god. When they appeared, there were no free lands any more. God was very sad. He asked: why they were so late. Georgians answered: We were drinking your toast. Don’t worry, if there are no more lands, its ok, just drink one toast with us. God inspired: You are so beautiful, modest and devoted. There are no more free places, I allotted all, but I created earthly paradise for me and I present it to you. And God presented paradise to Georgians. During centuries enemies tried to conquer Paradise, but no one could. Paradise survived again and again. Now this place calls Georgia (SaqarTvelo-in native language). It is situated between Black and Caspian seas, in South of Caucas.
I am from this "earthly Paradise" and I am happy to Join you.

Sofia Angel

Hello. Nitpicks first...

I want to tell you The legend about Georgia - Sakartvelo: When Godfather allotted lands to a mankind, Georgians where not there.

I think "when" before "godfather" shouldn't be capitalized, and I also think that if you capitalize "the" before "legend" you should also capitalize "legend" for consistency's sake. But it's up to you, really.

When they appeared, there were no free lands any more.

"Anymore" is one word. ^_~

They had feast, standing toast for god.

"god" should be capitalized here, because it is everywhere else in the piece.

He asked: why they were so late.

This should either be "He asked why they were so late." or "He asked: why were they so late."

Now this place calls Georgia (SaqarTvelo-in native language)

Shouldn't this be "now this place IS CALLED..."?

It is situated between Black and Caspian seas, in South of Caucas.

I think there should be a "the" after "between" and before "Black."
_______________

Overall, this interests me. However, I feel like it's more of a simple telling of a folktale than anything else. It feels to me that anyone could write it, as long as they were familiar to the story. Try bringing something new to it, something that tells us that you are a writer and not just a storyteller. Do you get what I mean?

Here are some things you can do:

1--Add description. I'd like to see some description, because right now there really isn't any at all... what does the Paradise look like? Smell like? Feel like?

2--Show rather than tell. Try to use the literary method of showing rather than telling. For example, rather than telling us "God was sad." try to show us that He is sad with things that he says or does.

3--Put it in story form. If I were in your place, I'd space it out and put the dialogue on seperate lines in quotes. Then, it would look something like this:

I want to tell you The legend about Georgia - Sakartvelo: When Godfather allotted lands to a mankind, Georgians where not there. They had feast, standing toast for god. When they appeared, there were no free lands any more. God was very sad.

He asked, "why are you so late?"

Georgians answered, "We were drinking your toast. Don’t worry, if there are no more lands, its ok, just drink one toast with us."

God inspired, "You are so beautiful, modest and devoted. There are no more free places, I allotted all, but I created earthly paradise for me and I present it to you."

And God presented paradise to Georgians. During centuries enemies tried to conquer Paradise, but no one could. Paradise survived again and again. Now this place calls Georgia (SaqarTvelo-in native language). It is situated between Black and Caspian seas, in South of Caucas.

I am from this "earthly Paradise" and I am happy to Join you.

You get what I mean?

Oh, and one question: is this a prologue? If so, could you please tell me when you post more?

PM me if I was unclear about anything.

Hope this helps.
~Azila~