Why Now?

WHY NOW?


Today I said goodbye to someone close to me
My eyes were filled with tears, clouded so I couldn't see
I stood beside the graveside; her mama cried so loud
My heart began to break, Lord, and I just can't figure out...

Why'd she have to leave today
and why's it got to hurt?
Lord, can't you understand that
She's still needed here on earth
and I know that she's in heaven now
and I'll begin to heal somehow
But God, I just don't understand
Why now?

I don't know what to call it, a beginning or an end
I'm looking at her gravestone, it's marked "Beloved Friend"
I can't believe she's really gone, please say it's just a dream
Don't make me open up my eyes and face reality.

Why'd she have to leave today
and why's it got to hurt?
Lord, can't you understand that
She's still needed here on earth?
and I know that she's in heaven now
and I'll begin to heal somehow
But God, I just don't understand
why now?

The pastor started preaching, he said God knows what's best
and I began to pray right there, and asked just one request
Please help my heart to heal, Lord, I can't do it on my own
This person was so dear, Lord, and in her life you shone

Why'd she have to leave today
and why's it got to hurt?
Lord, can't you understand that
She's still needed here on earth?
and I know that she's in heaven now
and I'll begin to heal somehow
But God, I just don't understand
why now?


"But even so, not my will, but Thine be done...."

I'm no Christian, but this poem struck me as touching and sincere.

I like this verse in particular:

Why'd she have to leave today
and why's it got to hurt?
Lord, can't you understand that
She's still needed here on earth
and I know that she's in heaven now
and I'll begin to heal somehow
But God, I just don't understand
Why now?

The poem is consistent and flows well, conveying a clear message.

This is amazing. Anyone who has ever lost a loved one can relate. It is lovely and well structured and completely heart-felt and emotional.

The only TINY tiny thing I would look at it the own/shone rhyme at the end. I'm not sure if it is strong enough to be the last line before the refrain.

Other than that, i really enjoyed reading this. and if it was inspired by something that has happened to you, trust me when I say I wish you all the best.
s

ChildofEden--Here at YWS we want you to do two reviews before posting your own work...a little late here, but maybe you just missed the rules? Anyway, get critiquing and remember to keep the ratio of critiques:new posts at a healthy 2:1! People will be more likely to review your work if you review theirs.

Polls should also be reserved for places like the Lounge. They don't exactly suggest a serious attitude when you put them on your literature.

As for the poem itself, I think it suffers from all those gosh-darn rhetorical questions. Why why why. Why why. Why why why why? The thing is, we as readers don't know; we'd like you to tell us something if you're going to begin with a question. There's nothing wrong with addressing a poem to God or using questions, but they should lead somewhere, not leave the reader the same place he began.

Other than that, welcome to YWS! If you have any questions, please PM (private message) me or a moderator (dark green names) or a junior mod (light green names).

Thanks!
-Colleen

I'm new here so I may not be as fit to criticize as others but would this be better suited under the Dramatic Poetry section?

Also after gravestone, I believe a semi-colon is more appropriate. I'm not so high on the refrain, but that's just me. Otherwise, a well-written piece. Very expressive in emotion and just needs some minor tweaking.