What's This Feeling?

Butterflies fly
Around , around,
Up and down
With a silent screech.

Lips stretch wide
With creaking edges.
Teeth gleaming.
Cheeks sore.

Eyes glaze,
Matching the smile.
Reflecting the thoughts;
The feelings.

Heart racing
Adrenaline rushing;
Total excitement--
Just to see your face.

very expressive!I like it!

Nice use of imagery but just a few things to comment on...

Heart racing
Adrenalin rushing
Total excitement--

Perhaps a semi-colon after 'racing' and a colon after 'rushing' would make this flow better - both the 'heart racing' and the 'adrenaline rushing', (i think you forget to add the 'e' on the end here), lead to the idea of 'total excitement'.

Aside from that, well done.

Very expressive, but what it about? That's all I don't get. It's all fine and well having such great imagery. But if meaning not clear it's void. The title inner beauty but it doesn't seem to come into this. Just doesn't have discernible meaning.

Overall: Great imagery, no clear meaning.

Good luck
VSN

Thanks a lot..will correct the mistakes and try and improve !

i actually agree, vernon, i didn't know what i should put for the name and a friend suggested it to me lol

will be changed to something more suitable..

thank you all

Oooh... I actually liked this! My first thought was "Oh no, butterflies, this can't be good" but it was!

It's simple, not many words in it, but still it's satisfying.

Nice ending as well, but the title was kind of corny.

Keep doing your best!

Demeter

Hey, I noticed you changed the title! I like it better now

Wish you luck!

Haha yeah lol

thanks! i think it goes better..(:

thank you .. x

I can see every ones already corrected your Grammar.so besides that o LOVE it.
You really used nice adjectives.

awwwww ^.^

Tis tres coote =]

Kawaii!

It sums up everything you feel, its really good =]]

I love it, Eva XxXxX