A Holocaust Requiem

8 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1108
Reviews 404
I will close the door, and soon
I will be left all alone again, me
and the photographs, the cold
expressionless walls that speak
only in silence.

To their liberators, the children
showed ink-pierced numbers, and
they laughed, and they sang. They
didn’t know that the needle’s tingle
will linger with them until
their tomb, that the scar will still
throb sixty years afterward.

They walk away, one by one,
my comrades,
from the face of the earth,
their numbered arms tumbling
in eternal cosmos with them,
disappearing like their fathers
and brothers in gas chambers.

One day, a German soldier gave
us a leg of pig: a leg of pig, a leg
of pig, and the blood broke in
our bald fingers, until the smell
of farms and potatoes, and freedom
penetrated our noses. A leg of pig:
just the sound makes my mouth water,
and yet we left it there to rot,
as God was our witness.

They say that the flag of Israel
has two blue lines: one for sky,
and for water, from Genesis;
and God divided the heavens from
the waters below. But these two blue lines,
one on top, one on bottom,
are the lines that slice our father’s cheeks:

Thin filaments, wrinkles that, like scars,
can only pass with the pain.
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1823
Reviews 665
Interesting, I've one problem with this poem. The second last stanza is beautoiful but doesn't really add anything to to this poem:

They say that the flag of Israel
has two blue lines: one for sky,
and for water, from Genesis;
and God divided the heavens from
the waters below. But these two blue lines,
one on top, one on bottom,
are the lines that slice our father’s cheeks:]

Thin filaments, wrinkles that, like scars,
can only pass with the pain.


Both these, don't seem to make sense with the overall flow and the poem ends with 'as God was our witness'

Overall: Other than that, I really like this poem. Hope this helps

Good luck
VSN
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag]




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 267
I really, really liked it!
I am really interested in World War 1 and 2 and you just gave me another reason. There is so much you can say, whether it is music or a poem, there is always something to say. To express yourself.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the second stanza. It gives me that kinda depth that tells you that it wasn't only the adults, and Jews and soldiers that were touched in the war, but also the youth.

The only problem:

Thin filaments, wrinkles that, like scars,
can only pass with the pain.


Why don't you leave that. It kinda messes up the stanza before that. Sorry.

You can add something else, but something that will make sense, if you know what I mean. :wink:
Look at my big shiny shell...




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 78
This was okay - but I agree with Vernon that you should cut the last parts. Also I must say that your poem doesn't really make your reader feel at all emotional - which shouldn't be true when you're talking about such a terrible, horrible subject. You need to use emotive language and things like similes and metaphors to make us really feel the things you're talking about.

Keep writing,
Bkwrm :)




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 2
I really enjoyed this poem!! You did a really good job of showing the negative effects of the Holocaust on the youth, as well as adults. However, I think that you should be aware of your choice of words and the tone. The Holocaust was a terrible period in human history, and I feel that you could have done more to bring forth the feelings of sorrow, misery and pain that so many people had to endure.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 270
The poem was great. At the same time I was sad and moved. You did a great job with this.
Don't send sheep to kill a wolf.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 6
I am currently studying the holocaust at school. I always knew it was bad... but I never thought it was as horrible as I have discovered it to be.

I really liked your poem, it was very well written and thought out.

the cold
expressionless walls that speak
only in silence.


This sentence was one of the most powerful for me and I think that it helped to be so early on in the poem, it made me want to continue reading.

I believe that you gave a proper and appropriate voice to those who would have lived through this horror and for the people who are still alive.

Well done.




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 212



Poetry is like a bird, it ignores all frontiers.
— Yevgeny Yevtushenko