Emo Poem

She touched the
dead body.

In pale throes of
silent decay, it
waited.

How ridiculous,
she cried out,
how artificial,
this bag of
purple
intestines--
I should produce
something finer,
more charitable
than this!

So she slit her
beautiful throat
and made lush
geysers pour
over the dead
body, painting
it red like
strawberries.

This is pain!
This is truth!
She laughed and
laughed,
mounting the
corpse with
spidery thighs.

The whole poem was redundant to me, "She touched the dead body." "The face didn't breathe." I hated this. Other than that the poem was okay.

How could she laugh if her throat was cut?

Never mind. Forget I asked. This seemed more like a Cannibal Corpse song than an emo poem. Sickening to read, but I suppose that was what you intended, huh? Not bad if that is the case.

Krupp wrote:How could she laugh if her throat was cut?

Never mind. Forget I asked. This seemed more like a Cannibal Corpse song than an emo poem. Sickening to read, but I suppose that was what you intended, huh? Not bad if that is the case.

haha good call, i didn't even think about that.

this wasn't intended to be an emo poem, more a response/metaphor for people "against" emo, whatever it is. you can call it a cannibal corpse song if you like

I love your poem. It has so much emotion. It has hate but for some reason shares love at the same time. The poem sounds like Romeo and Juliett ( sorry if I spelled that wrong) to me. The poem also made me think. Who is the dead corpse? I love when poets leave the reader hanging with a question like that. And I love your title. Sorry if I sound rude but the title made me laugh a little.

Poetry
is not
having
every couple
of words
spaced
like this.
In fact
this is
annoying
to read
and there's
really
no poetry
involved.

No, seriously, line breaks are not meant to be done every couple of words. It's annoying and, if it's done wrongly, it is terrifying to read. It's like driving in stop and go traffic. Yeah, you can, but why be stuck in traffic when you have a highway you can go on instead? When you make a line break, make sure that you're emphasizing an idea or something else equally important.

With that said, this poem glorifies in its idea but is essentially meaningless to the reader since it fails to provide anything else. This is a freewrite, something that has an idea and needs to have the idea developed in some sort of meaningful way. So revise it and make it worthwhile to the reader.

Good luck!

Snoink wrote:Poetry
is not
having
every couple
of words
spaced
like this.
In fact
this is
annoying
to read
and there's
really
no poetry
involved.

No, seriously, line breaks are not meant to be done every couple of words. It's annoying and, if it's done wrongly, it is terrifying to read. It's like driving in stop and go traffic. Yeah, you can, but why be stuck in traffic when you have a highway you can go on instead? When you make a line break, make sure that you're emphasizing an idea or something else equally important.

With that said, this poem glorifies in its idea but is essentially meaningless to the reader since it fails to provide anything else. This is a freewrite, something that has an idea and needs to have the idea developed in some sort of meaningful way. So revise it and make it worthwhile to the reader.

Good luck!

thanks

I like this as you can feel the emotion really well- however this just seems to be a random poem with no many ideas expanded upon. If you expanded upon this it could be a lot better as you don't really get a picture of what is going on.

And also, if you label this poem 'emo' then it is probably not and you made it so it would seem emo- just write it and let people make up their mind if it is emo or not.

Overall I like though!

black star of darkness wrote:I like this as you can feel the emotion really well- however this just seems to be a random poem with no many ideas expanded upon. If you expanded upon this it could be a lot better as you don't really get a picture of what is going on.

And also, if you label this poem 'emo' then it is probably not and you made it so it would seem emo- just write it and let people make up their mind if it is emo or not.

Overall I like though!

thanks! this poem is about people who aren't nice or pleasant and yet expect other people to adopt their way of thinking. for example, snoink.

also: the real title is "European Housewife." i'll conceal my reasons for calling it "Emo Poem."

I'm probably going to sound stupid, but I didn't really get it. It was confusing