My First Suitor

MY FIRST SUITOR
by lmpo

We started as classmates
And now we're textmates
We have lots of revelations
And this had brought us to deep attraction

Our intention was friendship
Talking about past relationships
His pain and my hardships
And so we became open for any advices and tips

At first i never believe
That he love me for real
He get the trust of my friends
Then he is now trying to court me at the end

He used to endorse hisself
going to my classroom, to make simple peep
I am really not comfortable with myself
He is my first suitor, and this is unexpected

What if he hurt me or get tired of me?
What should i do if i fall so easily?
I wish he will not disappoint me
Because i am giving him my full respect
and my loyalty.

Hi there! Just a little note that your title has been changed to lower-case letters. All-caps are painful and againts site rules.

Speaking of site rules, it is a rule here that you are to do two critiques for every one work you post. This ensures that everyone gets a critique and every piece gets a reply.

Welcome to the site, PM me or anyone else with a green/red name if you have any questions, and please, enjoy yourself!

Also, give the Site Rules a once-over.

Youur Friendly Neighbourhood Fiction Mod,
Saint Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate

I really like this. The first two stanzas are the best, I love the rhyming, how it's not completely rhymed but still within the boundaries. Your english and tenses go off a bit at the end, but it's still understandable.

All in all, I like it. Keep it up!
-Elise

I loved this poem and the poem before. Are you a hopeless romantic, if so join my group TRC, we can totally help you.

The review, I liked this poem. I liked how gradual it was from friends to lovers. I liked the rythmn.

Gold Star!!!!!

You had an exellent rhythem but an overdone idea. Of course I can relate but still doesn't interest me enough. Why the heck you use the word 'Suitor' that's too posh a term to describe this. Replace the word suitor with boyfriend or husband you have the run-of-the-mill love poem.

Next your questions are all rather contrived and unoriginal. It's very cliche ridden. You've an exellent rhythem now improve the poem.

Overall: It's just a cliche with a different title to hide.

Good luck
VSN