maliciousness in his voice and a devilish sense
RGtennisprincess wrote:The decision is yours to make, but I am your spiritual guide, Mikal, and that is my advice.
tennisprincess wrote:The image of her in her mind proved that love did exist in this loner’s heart
It's definitely full of potential.Rosie’s head automatically replied, “Listen to me, and he will not harm you. Just do ask he asks.”
The normal sea green serenity was restored.
Suddenly she wanted to embrace him and say how she missed him, but she did not want to touch the figure and words felt unworthy.
All her confusion built up into one, perhaps she would collapse like she often did when she was overwhelmed and would be dragged into an option she did not choose herself.
Rosie always heard and saw things.
We all know that healthy, normal children see and hear things everyday, but Rosie was never any of those things to the people around her. To them; [comma instead] she was delusional and mental.
Since age 2, she had claimed to hear voices. Voices that told her dark from light, right from left, the future from the past, good from evil. [s]It[/s] They guided her everywhere she needed to go.
It was when she was 5 and she told her mother, “Uncle Danny says not to hide when you see him at night. He’s only saying hi,” that her mother decided to put her into therapy. She insisted that she had never spoken a work of these late night visits from her deceased brother to her young child and in fact, it was completely unexplainable because Rosie had been born after the death and mourning were long gone. Since then, the therapist has been sprouting shit saying that these ‘hallucinations’ stemmed from an unsolved emotion lying in the young girl’s conscience. Of course, this made no sense. What on earth could a five-year-old possibly have to feel guilty [s]of[/s] for?
Rosie grew up alone with her mother. She had never known her father -- and that was a nerve the therapist liked to hit at. [dash instead] [s]But[/s] but over the years, Rosie’s short, [no comma] and choppy answers to those questions [s]still revealed[/s] continued to reveal [or “constantly revealed”] nothing. She knew nothing of him, [no comma] nor cared. This became apparent as she grew older into her troubled teen years, [no comma] as did her hate for her mother. You see, even though she gave her life and kept her through the years, Rosie knew it was out of solitary obligation. In turn, because her mother felt nothing for her, she felt nothing towards her mother. That fact would never change. And so, Rosie grew up a loner, [no comma] with not a single friend in the world. Except the voice that was always with her.
I liked this.
One day as 13-year-old Rosie’s hormones got a hold of her, she yelled at her mother after a discussion about how she was coping in therapy. “Well, it’s been 8 years, and he still hasn’t found the so called “unsolved emotion” that causes all this! Mom, don’t you think it’s time to give this up? I’m 13, and I have a social life. And you’re ruining it by calling me crazy!”
“Young lady, I think I know what is right for you, and I will make the decisions around here. I am the adult! And don’t speak to me in that tone.”
Rosie knew things had gotten serious now. All her anger locked up over the years [s]never released[/s] finally boiled up to this. Her eyes grew a deep, [no comma] dark red that was [u]as thick as the blood running through the veins of a stroke victim as she stared at her mother like she was a building marked for demolition. [/u]Suddenly a scream erupted from Rosie’s lips at the top of her breath, and [s]then,[/s] she collapsed. Just like that. All the emotions she had never set free before overwhelmed her.
Rosie awoke [s]on a hard bed and[/s] to a fake smile and show put on by her mother.
“Oh, thank goodness you’re alright, sweetheart, [period instead]” [s]her[/s] Her mother grabbed Rosie and pulled her towards her bosom. Quickly, Rosie pulled away remembering the incident before the blackness arrived.
“Who is he?” She pointed, referring to the man dressed in a type of apparel she associated with religion. Her mother had never taken her to church, although she had known she was a Catholic. In fact, there had never been a referral to God in their household.
“This is Father Markus, and he is here to help us with your gift,” she replied, smiling that drawn on lipstick smile. She showed it only when she wanted to appear normal, calm and collected. In reality, it was impossible for her to be any of those things.
Rosie got up and sized the man up. He looked tense, although there was a smile on his face. There was a book in his hand. He held on to it so tightly that his knuckles appeared white [s]like[/s] as if no blood ever flowed there. It was a bible. That was clear. The voice in Rosie’s head automatically replied, “Listen to me, and he will not harm you. Just do ask he asks of you.”
The things that Father Markus asked her to do were actually comical to her and they wouldn't really help the situation. A smile spread across Rosie’s face. All the anger that she had previously known was gone and certainly any similarity between the color of her eyes and the blood of a dead corpse had completely dissipated. The normal sea green serenity was restored.
“It appears to be working, [semi instead] the demon is leaving the child’s body,” Father Markus said, [s]and[/s] a flicker of hope and pride [s]sheered in his heart[/s] [some other visible description].
After the long process was over, Rosie pretended that the voices had stopped in order to avoid the constant annoyance of her mother and other raving lunatics like her who saw Rosie as the odd one out. The frequent therapist visits halted, and a priest never entered Rosie’s home again. All in all, her life appeared normal. In truth, [s]though[/s],the voices continued, now even stronger than ever.
Her premonition was confirmed by the high-pitched squealing only she could hear in her ears that announced that a spirit was about to speak.
She always sensed them and was aware of their presence and could speak to them and hear them but now, speaking to this spirit she could see his outline in a pale blue-white light.
It was as if a sudden realization had hit Rosie Bauer. The figure came into full contrast, and she was not afraid. Memories came pouring back, and now, [no comma] it was as if every moment of her life she had known her father. Visions of his figure standing over her crib and loving every inch of her that her mother did not. Suddenly she wanted to embrace him and say how she missed him, but she did not want to touch the figure, and words felt unworthy.
“You don’t need to say anything. Your aura tells me all that you’re feeling,” the familiar and comforting voice said. “You could come away with me, you know. Leave this cruel place where you do not belong. You heard my voice all your life because you missed me, you longed for me, and there was unfinished business between you and I. You have learned enough in this life and now you need to relax. [no period] [s]With[/s] with me, [no comma] in heaven, [dash instead] wouldn’t you like that?”
Rosie remained [s]quite[/s] quiet as her thoughts of pleasure and logic dueled with one another.
The figure that had called [s]itself[/s] himself Rosie’s father grabbed her hand.
She liked what she saw at the end, [no comma] and wanted it.
[s]It said, [/s]“Do not follow him. He is trying to maim and bribe you into a world of treachery and dishonor. The decision is yours to make, but I am your spiritual guide, Mikal, and that is my advice.”
All her confusion built up into one, [semi instead] perhaps she would collapse like she often did when she was overwhelmed and would be dragged into an option she did not choose herself.
“No,” this new, [no comma] braver Rosie said.
By now it had transformed into its true, [no comma] ugly form.
It lunged at Rosie but missed because apparently, [no comma] Rosie had the ability to fly here in this place between worlds.
As she rose in the air, [s]involuntarily[/s] a ball of light involuntarily arrived in her hands.
Her advisor proved worthy again, [period instead] “Throw it and aim for his face.”
She wasn’t surprised, [no comma] after all the amazing events she had witnessed today.
She arrived at the doorstep; everything [s]at[/s] in/about/something else her home seemed fine.
“Oh, you know, [ellipses or dash instead] out and around,” Rosie replied with a knowing smile.
Rosie didn’t know what changed her that day but it felt like her mother had given her strength. The image of her in her mind proved that love did exist in this loner’s heart. She was capable of emotions, [no comma] just like everyone else. And from that moment on, she knew her mother loved her, and she returned the feeling.
Rosie never again heard her advisor from heaven. Her belief in a higher power never wavered. After all, there was no need for him to acknowledge his presence, [no comma] because Rosie knew that he would always be there. No matter what. Now though, there was just no need for him to stay around all the time. [no period] Because her unfinished business with demons of her past were now history.
But do consider using them. It’ll make the dialogue flow more easily too.
I’m not seeing much there, and what you have is, again, cliché.
Rosie always heard and saw things.
We all know that healthy, normal children see and hear things everyday but Rosie was never any of those things to the people around her. To them; she was delusional and mental.
Since age 2 I don't like this bit, it's a tad awkward, maybe have Since the age of two or since aged two, don't use numbers in a piece of writing unless you are saying a year or it's in diary form , she had claimed to hear voices. Voices that told her dark from light, right from left, the future from the past, good from evil. It guided her everywhere she needed to go.I like that bit
It was when she was 5 and she told her mother, “Uncle Danny says not to hide when you see him at night. He’s only saying hi,” that her mother decided to put her into therapy. She insisted that she had never spoken a work of these late night visits from her deceased brother to her young child and in fact, it was completely unexplainable because Rosie had been born after the death and mourning were Was not were long gone. Since then the therapist has been sprouting shit saying that these ‘hallucinations’ stemmed from an unsolved emotion lying in the young girl’s conscience. Great description Of course, this made no sense. What on earth could a five year old possibly have to feel guilty of? Very intriguing
Rosie grew up alone with her mother. She had never known her father and that was a nerve the therapist liked to hit at. But over the years, Rosie’s short, choppy answers to those questions still revealed nothing. She knew nothing of him, nor cared. This became apparent as she grew older into her troubled teen years, as did her hate for her mother. You see, even though she gave her life and kept her through the years, Rosie knew it was out of solitary obligation. In turn, because her mother felt nothing for her, she felt nothing towards her mother. That fact would never change. And so, Rosie grew up a loner, with not a single friend in the world. Except the voice that was always with her. Aw, I feel so sorry for her :'(
One day as 13 year old Rosie’s hormones got hold of her she yelled at her mother after a discussion about how she was coping in therapy. “Well, it’s been 8 years and he still hasn’t found the so called “unsolved emotion” that causes all this! Mom, don’t you think it’s time to give this up? I’m 13 and I have a social life. And you’re ruining it by calling me crazy!”
“Young lady, I think I know what is right for you and I will make the decisions around here. I am the adult! And don’t speak to me in that tone.”
Rosie knew things had gotten serious now. All her anger locked up over the years never released finally boiled up to this. Her eyes grew a deep, dark red that was as thick as the blood running through the veins of a stroke victim as she stared at her mother like she was a building marked for demolition. Suddenly a scream erupted from Rosie’s lips at the top of her breath and then, she collapsed. Just like that. All the emotions she had never set free before overwhelmed her. Great imagery
Rosie awoke on a hard bed and to a fake smile and show put on by her mother.
“Oh, thank goodness you’re alright sweetheart,” her mother grabbed RosieIt should be her mother grabbed her here, not her mother grabbed Rosie. and pulled her towards her bosom. Quickly, Rosie pulled away remembering the incident before the blackness arrived.
“Who is he?” She pointed, referring to the man dressed in a type of apparel she associated with religion. Her mother had never taken her to church, although she had known she was a Catholic. In fact, there had never been a referral to God in their household.
“This is Father Markus, and he is here to help us with your gift,” she replied, smiling that drawn on lipstick smile. She showed it only when she wanted to appear normal, calm and collected. In reality, it was impossible for her to be any of those things.
Rosie got up and sized the man up. He looked tense, although there was a smile on his face. There was a book in his hand. He held on to it so tightly that his knuckles appeared white like no blood ever flowed there. It was a bible. That was clear. The voice in Rosie’s head automatically replied, “Listen to me, and he will not harm you. Just do ask he asks of you.”
The things that Father Markus asked her to do were actually comical to her and they wouldn't really help the situation. A smile spread across Rosie’s face. All the anger that she had previously known was gone and certainly any similarity between the color of her eyes and the blood of a dead corpse had completely dissipated. The normal sea green serenity was restored.
“It appears to be working, the demon is leaving the child’s body,” Father Markus said and a flicker of hope and pride sheered in his heart.
After the long process was over, Rosie pretended that the voices had stopped in order to avoid the constant annoyance of her mother and other raving lunatics like her who saw Rosie as the odd one out. The frequent therapist visits halted and a priest never entered Rosie’s home again. All in all, her life appeared normal. In truth though, the voices continued, now even stronger than ever.
One night in her sixteenth year, as Rosie returned from a late party, she felt the presence of what she had come to recognize as a spirit in her room. Her premonition was confirmed by the high pitched squealing only she could hear in her ears that announced that a spirit was about to speak.
“Rosie, it’s been far too long.”
Rosie sensed that this was a male spirit. Not many males had influenced her life, so it was blind guessing at who this was. Rosie decided to ask.
“Who are you?”
The spirit seemed to sigh. Rosie never could actually see the spirits she had spoken to in the past. She always sensed them and was aware of their presence and could speak to them and hear them but now, speaking to this spirit she could see his outline in a pale blue white light. Something about him seemed comforting, but she was still afraid to get too close.
“I suppose you were too young to remember my presence. And I know for a fact that Cecilia has not mentioned me.” This expression seemed to strike melancholy in the spirit. And Rosie began to feel it too.
“How do you know my mother?” Rosie asked uncertainly. Now the figure’s features were coming into shape. It was as if his name was on the tip of her tongue, but she still could not grasp it.
“It’s me, Rosie. It’s Arnold, your father.”
It was if a sudden realization had hit Rosie Bauer. The figure came into full contrast and she was not afraid. Memories came pouring back and now, it was as if every moment of her life she had known her father. Visions of his figure standing over her crib and loving every inch of her that her mother did not. Suddenly she wanted to embrace him and say how she missed him, but she did not want to touch the figure and words felt unworthy.
“You don’t need to say anything. Your aura tells me all that you’re feeling,” the familiar and comforting voice said. “You could come away with me you know. Leave this cruel place where you do not belong. You heard my voice all your life because you missed me, you longed for me, and there was unfinished business between you and I. You have learned enough in this life and now you need to relax. With me, in heaven, wouldn’t you like that?”
Now the voice did not appear loving. Rosie sensed this. He sounded suddenly like a bad car salesman. There was maliciousness in his voice and a devilish sense in his eyes. Rosie remained quiteQuiet not quite as her thoughts of pleasure and logic dueled with one another. I love that idea of pleasure and logic duelling
The figure that had called itself Rosie’s father grabbed her hand. He began leading her down a long tunnel of white light. She liked what she saw at the end, and wanted it. Then she was jerked in a different direction. A face appeared in her mind. It was her mother’s. She heard the voice that had been with her all her life, the one that aided her in everything. It said, “Do not follow him. He is trying to maim and bribe you into a world of treachery and dishonor. The decision is yours to make, but I am your spiritual guide, Mikal, and that is my advice.”
All her confusion built up into one, perhaps she would collapse like she often did when she was overwhelmed and would be dragged into an option she did not choose herself. Instead, she stood her ground. She pulled away from the demon. “No,” this new, braver Rosie said. “I am brave. A brave person cannot live in a land of cowardice where you are trying to lead me. I know your true identity. You can’t fool me.”
A grin, spread across the face of the scorpion. By now it had transformed into its true, ugly form. “Very well, I shall have to use force then. We need more feisty ladies like you around the underworld. You’ll make good company,” the serpent hissed. It lunged at Rosie but missed because apparently, Rosie had the ability to fly here in this place between worlds.
As she rose in the air, involuntarily a ball of light arrived in her hands. She felt the power of it in her heart. Her advisor proved worthy again, “Throw it and aim for his face.”
It seemed like the light blinded the demon. In any case, he slipped back to his world and the portal closed. Rosie seemed to almost float down to the ground. She wasn’t surprised, after all the amazing events she had witnessed today.
She arrived at the doorstep; everything at her home seemed fine. She entered to find her mother sitting in the family room.
“Hey, sweetheart, where have you been?”
“Oh you know, out and around,” Rosie replied with a knowing smile. Her mother would be the one person that would never believe her. “What’s on TV?”
Rosie didn’t know what changed her that day but it felt like her mother had given her strength. The image of her in her mind proved that love did exist in this loner’s heart. She was capable of emotions, just like everyone else. And from that moment on, she knew her mother loved her, and she returned the feeling.
Rosie never again heard her advisor from heaven. Her belief in a higher power never wavered. After all, there was no need for him to acknowledge his presence, because Rosie knew that he would always be there. No matter what. Now though, there was just no need for him to stay around all the time. Because her unfinished business with demons of her past were now history.
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