um...wow...i didn't know you had that in you, my friend...surprise, surprise!
how were you able to write this? i mean..it was like...so crisp...so detailed...
experience, maybe? =P
"I resort to waving our waiter over and ordering the cold corn chowder lemon bisque with peanuts and dill, an arugule Caesar salad and swordfish meat loaf with kiwi mustard, even though I already ordered this and he tells me so."
Kiwi mustard? please explain to the deranged girl. AND IT'S NOT ILLEGAL TO BE HERE BECAUSE I WAS SENT HERE.
Anyway... I think I'm going to have to finish this later, I'm sorry but my dad just noticed I wasn't dead. If you remind me then I'll comment on it next we meet.
If not then you get 1000 points from yours untruly.
First question - why are you sending all girls to review this?
Anyway.. Wow. Very detailed, my friend.. There were a few spelling errors, but you're bright enough to pick those up. In a hurry to write this?
This was definitely the longest, er, description I've ever come across.. Not that I've deliberately read others. I just got myself into trouble there, didn't I? Let me clarify - it's much longer than the sections in American Gods.
How do you reply to something like this? I don't want to say it was bad, because it wasn't, but I don't want to say it's good, because that will make it seem like I'm into this kind of work, which I'm not really..
It was definitely surprising coming from you. Not exactly a picture of innocence, eh?
Well.. Good job, anyway. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'd like to go read stories about pink fluffy bunnies eating candy..
Yeah I'm wondering the same things as Crysi. I didn't expect what I just read. It was written well, I can say that much, but I can't say whether I enjoyed reading it or not. You did a good job on this...that's pretty much all I can say about this post.
Quarrels would not last long if the fault were only on one side.
--La Rochedoucauld
"An unexamined life is not worth living..."
---Socraties
I'd like to repeat what Kay and Crysi said about enjoying it or not.
But this was so well written it's amazing, and I adored the ending. This piece reminds me of a book I once read...Less than Zero by...argh...I forget. There's a sense of emptiness to it, which I like (though that seems an awfully inadequate word...) There were a few missing, switched, or wrong letters, but I'm sure if you re-read this you could pick up on them yourself, as I understand you are quite bright.
My favorite part had to have been at the beginning, the introduction and mood you set for the entire piece is quite impressive.
I'll be sure to read some more of your writing.
-Sarah
"And I am a writer
writer of fiction
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones...
Let me go if you don't love me" ~The Decembrists "Engine Driver"
Ok so i finished it.... and I just wanted to say.
If any man but you saw this then they would be pitching more tents and a boy scout troop in a year. Yeowch.
Now I'm afraid of the bathtub AGAIN AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!
Yes, Bret Easton Ellis. I think that book is one in a series, but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.
"And I am a writer
writer of fiction
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones...
Let me go if you don't love me" ~The Decembrists "Engine Driver"
i didn't find it particularly gripping - the main character was neither likeable nor interesting and the whole sex scene was boring; perhaps as one chapter in a novel it would be fine but as a short story it was tedious.
it amused me though.
a part i did not like:
"She fingers her cunt, which is so wet that her upper thighs look like someone slathered something slick and oily all over them"
obviously it looked liked there was something slick and oily all over her thighs because that is what cum looks like. i feel it was like writing "she drank her red wine and it dripped down her shirt, so it looked like someone had spilt something red and liquidy and on it".
a part i did like, was the last paragraph. very good.
"And Matt Muir. Matt Muir, he's the sweetest guy. Have you ever looked into his eyes? It's like the first time I heard the Beatles" Superbad
This is a scene from American Psycho... is it right to pass this off as your own work? The movie came out before this was written... you had to have just copied it from the movie. *frown* Maybe I'm missing something here, but all you did was add a tiny bit more detail to the sex scene.
Maybe this should go in fanfiction? I don't know... I'm confused...
~Kool
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein
