The Box

Okay, so this is a different poem... but I kinda liked it.

The Box

No Box Exists In Life,
It only lives.
It is the invisible wall,
Between me and the popular kids,
Who parade before my eyes.
I try to break it,
But it only becomes stonger.
Only those who see it,
But do not believe in it will enter,
But most become trapped themselves.

I like the metaphor here and the way you employed it in the poem. The ending is really good too; it serves to point out a good moral. There was one spelling mistake, "invisable" should be "invisible," but otherwise, not much of a problem here in regards to grammar.

Overall, good poem.

I really like your metaphor and the sentiment behind your poem. The only way I can see you improving this is by pulling back a little and letting it flow better by taking out some of the unneccesary words.

okay, like what words, cause reading it, I see what you mean.

Well, I had a difficult time understanding and keeping up--there seemed to be so many subjects and so much meaning in just these few short lines. Not to say I didn't enjoy it, because it was worded rather beautifully, I'm just not so sure I really picked up on a steady concept. But hey, what can you say for an eleven year old--exceptional work for your age.

I liked this but maybe you have put your point across about you being worlds apart from the popular kids too straight forward? You could perhaps somehow describe their hair and facial features, saying how perhaps they are beautiful but in an ugly way?

Other than that, I like the concept and thought it was quite clever. Good work.

Not bad, but maybe a little too literal. The line "between me and the popular kids" invokes Snacky's law and also makes the poem a little restrictive. Maybe its just what separates you from "them" - whoever "they" may be; this would allow people to interpret it differently, and I think it would make the poem itself a lot more powerful and transcendent.

Also, I'd change the line "I try to break it" to "I try to break through." Again, it's just a more powerful way of expressing yourself.

I second GingerLizzy's suggestion; expand on the popular kids parading in front of you. What do they do that you think is better than what you do? Is it the way their hair is just so, or they have the "right" clothes or accessories? What is it that you think stops you from being like them - tell us! (This goes against my earlier advice to make it more transcendent, and the wonderful thing about critiques is that you can pick and choose which advice to take.)