Run rabbit run

Run rabbit run,
To the end of the line.
Trapped in a corner;
No way out in sight.
The moons grow older as they watch time die
And a mist glazes over your eyes.
You whisper in the night
As the black bird calls,
And tall grass grows deeper than your emptiness,
Haunting your memories and all you have left.
You just want to forget
That you were here once long ago,
But you didn't learn
And you didn't grow.
Now you look in the mirror
For the first time in years,
But you're not surprised by what you see,
You break the glass and begin to run.
Run rabbit run
Until all is dead,
Except the sun


kinda Pink Floydish? I think this one makes more sense than my other ones? I fixed the punctuation I think. Tell me what you think.

This was pretty good. It had a neat feel to it. I have to say I didn't really understand it.
And yes, I do think it needs puncuation.
Great job!
-Sometimes-

Hmmm...very interesting, darling, a nice juxtaposition with the image of a person and a rabbit. But, as poetry experts much wiser than I have said: Do the Punct! By which I mean: punctuation, and your lack thereof. There's not a single comma, period, semicolon, dash, ect. in this whole piece, and such things are not mere tools of prose to be thrown away when dealing with the high art of poetry: they are essential for establishing rhythms and showing the reader where one idea ends (or mostly ends or sort of ends or merges) and another begins. Go through and add in proper punctuation, darling, and you'll be surprised how improved this is! It sure worked for me when I was starting out (not that I'm now Incandescence or whathaveyou, just definitely improved).

Edit: Oh, sure, now I see your question on punctuation. *smacks own forehead* Short answer: yes, always. Sorry for the spiel.

It need punctuation so it read smoother but other than that it looks great.
Yes it is very pink floydish.

Punctuation would definitely make it flow better. Nice poem, by the way. I like the rhyming with run and sun at the end. Very neat.

~Jamie

Run rabbit run,
To the end of the line.
Trapped in a corner;
No way out in sight.
The moons grow older as they watch time die
And a mist glazes over your eyes.
You whisper in the night
As the black bird calls,
And tall grass grows deeper than your emptiness,
Haunting your memories and all you have left.
You just want to forget
That you were here once long ago,
But you didn’t learn
And you didn’t grow.
Now you look in the mirror
For the first time in years,
But you’re not surprised by what you see,
You break the glass and begin to run.
Run rabbit run
Until all is dead,
Except the sun

Thank you for the comments!!!

Um...you might want to put that version up at the top, darling.