you know i'd sing for you

All of your revivals of old threads has made me strangely nostalgic, so I decided to come and leave another comment on my favorite poem of yours. Remember I used this for a presentation in Rhetoric class year before last? After we'd all done our presentations and gotten our grades, we swapped poems as an exercise, and everyone wanted mine.

I used to have this memorized, but now I only have a few lines of it here and there. I still love it, though. It really is gorgeous.

You have a way of writing something lyrical and beautiful, with references that feel like rain and rainbows and manchester mornings. What else could anybody ask for? You also have a way of ending your poetry with some sort of punch that sticks to them for at least a few lingering seconds. That's nice. Not everyone can do that. Most can't.

That being said, this wasn't my favorite. Although, I do have quite a lot to choose from ^_^

Favorite word in the poem, "Smash."


--also, possibly irrelevant, but I always like your poems better in their second read. (Well, not always. Mostly).

Great, my eyes are welling up. This is rare! I love it, especially the first stanza.Your imagery is brilliant, and I love the contrast between lines two and three. I like the magical feel to the last two lines of this verse, but I'd add a full stop at the end of the verse. (Which reminds me, I'd like to see some capital letters, though I think this is just personal taste...)
The next stanza is great two, and I like how you drew out "smash", that was a great effect.
I didn't like the next stanza as much, it seemed weaker, but I think you need it...
The next one is good. Full stop after "eyes" and "microscope." (And in other places...you'll know yourself, and pm me if you want me to go into more depth.)It's a lovely verse.
The last stanza is really powerful. I really love it, and it was a great place to end, like they'd just stopped listening altogether so you gave up.
Overall...wow.

Uh, Jacko, has anyone ever told you you are an amazing poet?

This is perfect. Or the shizz (I've been using that word a lot lately...). However you want to put it. Gorgeous imagery and emotions welling up and...yeah. Just awesome.

You rock.

Officially.

*wonders why people keep resurrecting a two-and-a-half-year-old poem*

But thanks, all.

And Ari, I do remember that, lol.

Firestarter wrote:*wonders why people keep resurrecting a two-and-a-half-year-old poem*

Because it's a really freaking amazing two-and-a-half-year-old poem, of course.

Firestarter wrote:And Ari, I do remember that, lol.

Yeah, it was fun. I got a good grade too, and everyone was jealous because I had the coolest poem. Haha, suckers.

Wow, scrolling down the replies, I can sense hostility...jeeze

But, wow, Firestarter, this is really nice. Pretty much everything I would say has been said. I would like to say that I didn't even notice the lack of punctuation and capitalization; I was too absorbed in the words, the images. It completely matches the style of this poem, so, I say it is a good thing.

but my pillow is the only microscope

This is the only line I don't like. I don't like the word "microscope" for one thing. The piece is so calm and beautiful, for lack of a better word, so poetic, and then-- microscope. It seems like a cold word amongst all the others. Plus, I'm not sure I like what this line is implying...That's just me though.

This is poetry of an excellent quality. Happy writing to ya!