Moonlight: Ch1 Part 1 edited + Part 2

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Part 2 is short and the Part 1 was heavily edited.

“Keep silent and stay alert,” Lethero growled to the four wolves behind him. He put his nose to the ground and took in the familiar scent of scat, urine, and many woodland animals. There was one scent that stood out though. One that he feared and hated: the one that had chased him from his territory and brought pain and suffering to his pack.

“There are humans around. Let’s keep moving.”

It had been two days since they had to run from their home. That night was as quiet as it was now, but the peace was broken by howls from hunting dogs and the cries from humans as they charged forward. Yelps, howls, and much snarling tore through the night. Lethero and what was left of his pack ran as fast and as far as they could. Once they covered their scent, they rested and continued as far away from their old home. Now they were in search for a new one. Only two members of the pack were lost that night: Lethero’s mate, Arnora and his only cub, Io.

“Lethero, can we stop and rest? My paws are sore,” called Porla, a she-wolf with fur was darker than the sky above them.

“A little further,” Lethero replied. “The scent of humans is still in this area.” The pack panted heavily behind him, but Lethero knew they would soon rather die than abandon him.

“Stop here,” Lethero growled when they reached a thick cluster of trees on the crest of a small hill. It was free of human scent and provided cover from anyone that could stumble across them. “Europa, Polosk-see if you can find food. Porla and Tilon-you can rest. I will keep watch.”

“No, I will keep watch,” Tilon argued. “You need to rest. You’re pushing yourself too hard.” The rest of the pack behind him nodded letting their concern for Lethero show.

Lethero’s lips raised to a snarl, exposing his white teeth. “It is my duty to protect the pack,” he growled. “I will keep watch.”

“But, Lethero-” Tilon let out a yelp as Lethero roughly bit him by the scruff of his neck, silencing him instantly. Tilon backed up slowly and showed his neck to Lethero in submission. “I will rest as you watch.”

“Anyone else have any objections?” Lethero asked. A low growl came from deep within his throat. The pack stayed as silent as the woods around them.

“Good.” Lethero paced to the edge of the trees and stared over the expanse of trees below him. He laid down and placed his head on his paws. His thoughts drifted to Arnora and Io, and he remembered the last hours he spent with them and wished it would have lasted. Slowly his eyes grew heavy, and he unwillingly drifted off to sleep.

“I will keep watch,” Tilon whispered. Europa and Polosk glanced at Lethero in concern and let the shadows swallow them as they went off to hunt.


The night was silent as Lethero sat outside of the cave with Arnora by his side. Io played in the distant barking and growling at unknown objects. It was a perfect night: stomachs were full and everyone was ready to lay down for the night. The peaceful night was suddenly broken as hunting dog burst through the clearing and went straight for Io.

In a second, Lethero was one his feet with one intent in mind: kill the dog and protect Io. Then out of nowhere a stick with a point that reflect the moonlight shot out of the trees and hitting Io in the chest. Humans charged out of the woods shouting war cries.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as a human stepped forward and crushed Io’s small head with his foot. Lethero blind with rage charged forward, jumped, and seized the human’s throat between his jaws. Warm blood flowed into his mouth and between his teeth as the human slowly died.

Lethero jumped to the ground and tensed himself to spring again. “Lethero,” said a voice behind him. “Lethero, come one! Lethero!”
Fly, Fight, Win . . . in Air, Space, and Cyberspace.
-Air Force Mission Statement-

Integrity First
Service Before Self
Excellence In All We Do
~Air Force Core Values~

*Lethero*




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Heylo!

“Lethero, can we stop and rest? My paws are sore,” called Porla, a she-wolf with fur that was darker than the sky above them.


“Europa, Polosk-see if you can find food. Porla and Tilon-you can rest. I will keep watch.”


If you can't make dashes, then put spaces around the hyphen. It will, at least, appear as a dash. ^_^

The rest of the pack behind him nodded, letting their concern for Lethero show.


Io played in the [s]distant[/s] distance, barking and growling at unknown objects.


It was a perfect night: [semi instead] stomachs were full and everyone was ready to lay down for the night.


In a second, Lethero was [s]one[/s] on his feet with one intent in mind: kill the dog and protect Io.


Maybe just kill the dog or protect Io 'cause the and makes it sound like two intents. :?

Then out of nowhere, a stick with a point that reflected the moonlight shot out of the trees and [s]hitting[/s] hit Io in the chest. Humans charged out of the woods, shouting war cries.


Lethero, blind with rage, charged forward, jumped, and seized the human’s throat between his jaws. Warm blood flowed [s]into his mouth and[/s] between his teeth as the human slowly died.


Scratch that one part out 'cause otherwise it makes it longer than necessary. ^^

“Lethero,” said a voice behind him. “Lethero, come [s]one[/s] on! Lethero!”


Overall, good job. ^^ The second part you added was a good flashback to what happened on the night of the attack. I, as the reader, appreciated that. :)

Take your time. I know description can get a little tedious, but it's sometimes necessary. This isn't a really important notice at this point. More like pay attention to it when you go back and edit. But otherwise, you're good. :)

Keep writing!

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Okay, Ash Bash. Only a few grammatical errors.

((“Europa, Polosk-see if you can find food. Porla and Tilon-you can rest. I will keep watch.”))

Instead of dashes, try using commas


((Io played in the distant barking and growling at unknown objects.))

Io played in the distance, barking and growling at unknown objects.


((It was a perfect night: stomachs were full and everyone was ready to lay down for the night.))

Semi colon should go there, not a colon.


((The peaceful night was suddenly broken as hunting dog burst through the clearing and went straight for Io.))

A hunting dog


((In a second, Lethero was one his feet with one intent in mind))
Was on his feet.


((Then out of nowhere a stick with a point that reflect the moonlight shot out of the trees and hitting Io in the chest))

Then out of nowhere a stick with a point that reflected the moonlight shot out of the trees and hit Io in the chest


((Lethero blind with rage charged forward, jumped, and seized the human’s throat between his jaws.))

Lethero, blind with rage, charged forward, jumped, and seized the human’s throat between his jaws.


Very good story so far. Me likie ^.^ Keep writin' it!
~Lupe



attempting foot extraction
— Mea