What I think of Love

Love is confusing.
It can destroy your life forever.
You could be happy or devastated with
love. People can have a better life or job
without it. It can complete you or break
you. You could be happy, sad, angry,
dead, loved or hated. Caring and
Loving others is all you need.
Not being spoiled, mean, or
nasty. That will only burn
Your heart to ashes. It
is what keeps you
alive. Love
keeps
kids
up.

I have to admit, the last sentence really doesn't make sense. "Love is what keeps kids up"? It... doesn't make sense.

Otherwise, this poem is full of telling and blasé adjectives. This is the best example of what I am talking about:

. You could be happy, sad, angry, dead, loved or hated.

All of those words, happy, sad, angry, dead, loved, hated, what are they? They're boring, that is what. You're just throwing an idea and your reader, and your forgetting something. You're forgetting to make them feel. Poetry is about feeling, about experiencing, and thinking. Ask yourself, what do you want your reader to feel or think when they finish reading this poem? Have you achieved it?

I suggest, if you haven't, that you read some poetry. Reading poetry is one of the best ways to know how to write poetry. If you do not feel like buying any poetry books, I suggest reading something by our own members: Incandescence, Caligulas Launderette, Fandilocks, Via, Melja or just a handful of the amazing poets we have here.

Try to think of ways to engage your reader with imagery of the senses. Don't just talk to your reader, make them feel.

I like how the poem tunnels down.
Was the on purpose?
other than that I like it.
Although the last sentence makes no sense.

the half heart is affective, but apart from that, i didn't really like it, no offense. You need some more metaphors or interesting sentences.

The ideas however are good, i like what you're trying to say, just ot the way you say them, it's almost too simplistic. But if you want that affect then you havn't done it too badly, the simplicity is there. I guess it might just be my personal preference but something with flow and creativity is what gets your readers intereted and involved in what you're telling them.

I'm sorry if this is harsh, but that's my honest opinion

LOL at first its emo then it turns tree-hugger....

I LOVE IT!!!

I like it because I can really see where you were going with it, but I think it is more of a first-draft type of thing. I feel like you could add in some stronger, more descriptive words, and I agree with above I'm not really sure what the last sentence meant.

But, other than that, I really like the idea you were going for. I think with a few more revisions it could be very good. Nice job :]

Alas, now seems like a good time to resurrect that wonderful phrase: "Show, don't tell." I found this poem bland and boring, and I agree with Suzanne.

The phrases just don't capture my attention, or make me think what my definition of love is. You want to get your readers thinking, you want to draw them in.

It felt like reading ...not a poem. It's just not poemy. I do agree with the idea....but it didn't feel like a poem. I guess I'm trying to say that you should poem it up?..(I'm not very good at this review stuff)

Points for originatly in terms of form. This made me like the issues you raised. Of course, you can work on the showing instead of telling aspect of it, but overall- I liked it. Nice Job.


Eimear

l liked the idea. I know that you know I'm not the best at poetry, but here are a few tips:

1. Metaphores! *may be spelled wrong, i'm sick and tired and... yeah* Very important. Slip some in, 'cause they help. A lot.

2. Read poetry. Just do it. it helps, a lot.

Something I liked:

That will only burn
Your heart to ashes.

This line just rocks. maybe the metaphorical stuff in it?*maybe it reminds me of the picture you draw. Those also rock*
The last line confuzzles me. If you can make it make a little more sence, or alter it a little then the poem would be rocking as loud as ever.
Good job! and keep writing.
MV