definition of her

I don't drink
I cant drive (yet)
I love to smile
and I, would talk forever. If someone wanted to listen to me.
I wont smoke, not ever. Not if someone handed a lighter and package to me.
I have friends. But no bests.
I've never been in love but I can't wait.
My place in this world,
its as solid as a teardrop freshly fallen from my face.
I know who i am supposed to be. But its hard when you
live in a sheltered, overbearing, community.
I can't take a step with out someone staring
I can't change my friends with out someone crying
The day that i finally become me
is that day that i finally leave

No offence I hope but this poem is typical 'navelgazing' you involve the readers and you use no poetic techniques just telling us all these facts. The truth is, we've seen so many poems like these we don't feel sorry reading them. You give us no reason. You don't hit us. Worse still you don't just 'navelgaze' you keep saying 'I'. You expect us to feel sympathy. But it doesn't work that way. Even more, you don't even spell check. Was this a school thing?

You could involve the reader still each idea or a few of them. Use them to make it them better and more poetical. For now I recommend looking at poetry posted on here. For now, this can't really be considered poetry, no langauge techniques, no rhythem no set structure. Overall: You should start again and think about it, the idea could be amazing if you involves us readers more. Make us feel it all emotionally. Metaphors, similes. Use them all. Just think about it. Hope this helps.

Good luck
VSN

You have great ideas in this poem and I see a lot of potential in it. The problem is the lack of rhythm and imagery.
You need to make each verse kinda flow into the other. The way the verses were put together was awkward.
Another thing would be elaborate on the emotions. I think it would be better if you build around emotion in this poem rather than to go on telling us the you actions. It would also be nice if you involved the reader more. I want to be part of this poem. You must make it so that the reader reading it can easily relate to it.

To tell you the truth in the beginning it looked like this was something I found find under and 'About Me' section on a site.

You also need to go back and capitalize you I's and add the apostrophes where they are missing.

Like I said I really like the ideas behind this poem. I agree with a lot of things that I think you tried to portray in your poem. But the lack of rhythm and emotions in this poem caused a hindrance for me to really relate to it and really 'dive into it'.

I hope this helped.

This poem was sort of like a part of an essay you might write about yourself. Or, like mizz-iceberg said, it was very similar to something I could read in an "About Me" section of someone's profile.

I think I would have enjoyed this poem more if it had some more rhythm and/or something else consistent or constant about it. There are some good concepts in this poem, though, so with some tweaking, it could be really good.

I can definitely relate to the part where you talk about not being able to change friends without someone crying.

~shell~

I would talk forever,
If someone wanted to listen.
I won't smoke.
Never.
Not even if someone handed a lighter and package to me.
I have friends - no bests.
I've never been in love,
But I can't wait.

My place in this world -
As solid as a teardrop,
Freshly fallen from my face.

I know who I'm supposed to be.
But it's hard
When you live in a
Sheltered,
Overbearing,
Community.

I can't take a step
Without someone staring.
I can't change friends
Without someone crying.

The day I finally become me,
Is the day I finally leave.

Heads up: I don't usually critique poetry, so feel free to ignore me!

The above is what I'd do with this poem. It makes it less of an 'About The Author' entry, and more like a poem. Take a look at that, and see what you want to alter. You need to use line breaks, ditch some words, etc.

Also, I would just start with 'my place in this world.' The beginning is random and not needed.

Overall, it's a good point. Give it a poetic style, and use more metaphors. You definately have an idea here - just turn it into a poem.

Sorry if that didn't help at all! I just figured it might help if you saw how this could be structured, so you would have a basic idea when rewriting this.

PM me with questions, or if you'd like a critique (I'm much better at fiction, and I want more stars! ;P)

Good job, and happy editing!

EDIT: I just reread this. I definately think you should start with 'my place in this world.' That's where the poem starts, and it gets much better, if structured correctly. The beginning is simply rambling. If you take the ending, restructure it, and add metaphores, I think this would be a great poem. PM me when you edit it and let me read it again, will you?

~JFW415

It's a good poem but it lacks, the rythem and imagery that make most good poems.

Everyones right it sounds like this came out of the "about me" bit of your profile. Poems need imagery and rythem, without these it just sounds like some facts being read out.