It's very repetitious, and although it works in some poems, this one just smacks of redundancy. The most explicit phrase is "trickle gently into dark," nut there are more subtle phrases that don't work when repeated--"into night", "the ... arms", etc. It just sort of makes the whole poem stale.
I also feel that the man shouldn't speak. His words are so lyrical that it almost distracted me.
“I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you.” — Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
