Especially during autumn nights-- i would take this out,
This night-- say: tonight instead of this night
yet heartless sound.-- what exactly do you mean by heartless? I think that words awkward in this context
Someone was waking through water.walking instead of waking
If anyone had taken the time to look that night, they would’ve seen black, and only black--- black water, black sky, and a tall black figure slowly stepping into the river.-- take out if anyone. Say instead. Everything was black, the black water, a black sky, and a tall black silhouette steeping into the river
Only a trained night eye could have spotted the little breeze that ruffled the figure very slightly.instead of figure, say trees or something else
The cascading cloak it wore was blown backwards for one fleeting second, and revealed the frame of a tall, slender woman, a flash of her thin auburn hair hardly visible.say: the frame of a tall slender woman with a flash of thin auburn hair.
When the windstorm-- i didn't really get the feeling that this was a windstorm
But this figure was different. The first had been just that---a figure. This new one had a chilling aura around it, an aura considerably dark, and the sophisticated poise I held was almost eerie.-- i think you mean the sophisticated poise it held
The Aris ran deep for several hundreds of miles, mild, emerald. Very rarely did it stir, its dully rippling waves usually tinged with the unwavering glow of the moon. Especially during autumn nights, the river would lay still, lazily content, reflecting moonlight in a perfect ring until it was time to make way for morning.
But this was a night like no other.
This night, the Aris churned with contempt, black waves rising, fraying, falling like rain. There was no moon, no benign gleam in its center, no tone to the water, just bottomless, unfathomable black.
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