I am first able to see when my eye’s cap is removed. This is, of course, after I’ve been woken up by a button being pushed.

I look around and see many different things. In my short life I have seen everything from a wedding to a graduation.

The other day I witnessed a wedding for the fourteenth time. We, my owner and I, went to where the bride was getting ready with her bride’s maid. She was extremely nervous, this was her second wedding, and she made sure everything was perfect.

I wished to comment, to give her encouraging words, but I was unable to do so.

The wedding went on and the bride smiled right when she saw her fiancé. I was happy though I couldn’t show my emotion.

My owner takes care of me very well. He cleans me with delicate hands, and we seem to go everywhere together.

I wanted to thank him, but I was unable to do so.

One night I went with him to a youth event. I watched them laugh when someone said a joke. They enjoyed themselves, and I could tell they felt completely comfortable. I watched as they ‘hung out’ and even told their story to me.

I wanted to laugh with them, but I was unable to do so.

I remember a few months ago when the handle to my bag was grabbed by a stranger. I was the unfamiliar emotion of fear as I was stripped away from my owner and the life I was used to.

I wanted to scream out. I wanted to make him return me, but I was unable to do so.

I remember darkness as I was put to sleep. When I was woken up, I saw things I wish I didn’t. My memory was filled with a scene of a hostage. Why was I a part of it? I didn’t know. I saw the whole procedure, and I even caught a glimpse of the face. A young girl looked terrified as a she was tied to a chair.

I wanted to run and tell someone. I wanted to let them see what was recorded in my memory but, at the time, I was unable to do so.

I was put to sleep again. I woke up, I guessed a few hours later, with the sounds of sirens surrounding me. Someone was holding me and I saw the girl being safely taken back to her family. I was glad to be in the hands of someone I could trust. In the station I was able to reveal my memory to the police.

I was able to show them what was within my memory. I was finally able to do so.

I was returned to my owner and he happily embraced me. He cleaned me and I was soon spotless.

I wanted to hug him back, but I was unable to do so. Though this time, that was okay. I was just glad to be home.

In these events I wanted to join in. I wanted to give encouraging words, to thank my owner, to be able to laugh, to scream out, and to embrace. I wanted to do these actions but, alas, I am just a video camera: A camera recording a moment in history through my lens.

Even if I wasn’t able to do these things I was able to do one thing that helped. I was able to record a wanted thief. I finally gave back to everyone.

I want to smile, but I am unable to do so. This is okay, in the end, for I now know my purpose. I may not be able to join in but I can help put a smile on other people’s face. So now, through others, I can show other encouraging words. I can show thanks. I can make others laugh. I let people scream out to me when they can’t to anyone else. I can return the caring thoughts. I am happy.

The cap is put on my lens and the button on my side is pushed and I go to sleep again with my dreams filled with what is contained in my memory. My dreams that I will treasure forever.

Okay, these are a few questions that I want reviewsers to answer (please):
1) Is the way I did the personification fit well?
2) Did know from the context right away that it was the point of view from a camera? If not, what did you think it was? (last part's for fun)
3) How do you like the idea and the plot?
4) Gammar issues? I think I need a bit of help with puncuation...
5) Other thoughts?

1) Yes. The personification fits wonderfully

2) By the time you mentioned a "cap" and the button being pushed, I knew it was a camera, you might do well making it known that it is a video camera earlier on.

3)Clever I love the way the camera wants to say stuff but CAN'T. Burgulary (SPELLING DX) seems a more minor of a crime for it to be that traumatizing. A murder maybe? Just a thought...

4)Okay. Some stuff sounds awkward, but its your choice whether to change it or not. I'll be posting a grammar review in a few minutes to go over the bugs I found.

5) Good work and a clever idea! I like the melancholy of it and finally how the camera finds its own way to "speak" or join in. ^^

As I said in my above post, some awkwardness, and I'll point those out to you as well as other grammatical mistakes.

1. You don't need to repost the title, it confused me at first, thinking that was the acutal text of the story.

I am first able to see when the cap to my eye is removed

A little awkward, maybe something more like: I am first able to see when my eye's cap is removed. Maybe?

My owner takes care of me very well. He cleans me with delicate hands. We seem to go everywhere together.

Many short sentences, maybe combine two?

I wished to comment; to give her encouraging words but I was unable to do so.

add a comma between words and but! "I was unable to do so." could be a whole other sentence, so we have to use the comma!

I wanted to thank him but I was unable to do so.

Same issue as above...

They enjoyed themselves and I could tell they felt completely comfortable.

A comma between themselves and and

I remember a few months ago when the handle to my bag was grabbed by an unknown individual.

A little awkward, maybe "I remember a few months ago when the handle of my bag was grabbed by a stranger"

I wanted to scream out. I wanted to make him return me but I was unable to do so.

The comma thing again!

When I was woken up I saw things I wish I didn’t

Comma between up and I

I remember darkness. I was put to sleep. When I was woken up I saw things I wish I didn’t. My memory was filled with a scene of a burglary. Why was I a part of it? I didn’t know. I saw the whole procedure. I saw the face.

Lots of little sentences! Combine a few?

I wanted to let them see what was recorded in my memory but at the time I was unable to do so.

I'm not SURE about this one, but maybe a comma between memory and but?

I woke up, I guessed a few days later, with the sounds of sirens surrounding me.

I don't think you need the comma between later and with

In the police station I was able to reveal my memory to the police.

Sounds awkward with the word police in it twice....?

I was returned to my owner and he happily embraced me. He cleaned me and I was soon spotless.

^^ I went "awww" here!

I wanted to hug him back but I was unable to do so.

The comma thing again.

I wanted to give encouraging words; I wanted to thank my owner; I wanted to be able to laugh; I wanted to scream out; I wanted to embrace.

This is just my opinion: Maybe replace semicolons with commas and put and "and" at the end...like a list of things, you know?

OVERALL: WOW! Good job! I loved the idea and the story involved my emotions! It caught my atttention and I read it all the way through! I can't wait to see more from you!

Thanks so much! It really helped! I revised it and even changed the burglary into a hostage! Again, thanks!

Interesting concept. I think it's okay, but some of your sentences are wacky.

Example:

went to where the bride was getting ready with her bride’s maid.

Yikes. Awkward.

I'm also not sure I like the majority of sentences starting with "I." I understand that you have a rhythm of sorts going, but perhaps it'd be best to mix things up a bit.

My owner takes care of me very well. He cleans me with delicate hands, and we seem to go everywhere together.

I wanted to thank him, but I was unable to do so.

Watch out for changes in tense. That's probably the main thing that bugged me about this story.

Prokaryote

Very interesting piece. I had never read a story from the point-of-view of a camera

I read the comments above and saw they pointed out basically everything. This is the only thing I noticed:

I was able to show them what was within my memory. I was finally able to do so.

You repeat yourself here. It's awkward and you should reword it.

Otherwise, you have a decent start here but there is so much you could do to make this more of an exciting piece. Describe the kidnapping. Describe the wedding. You are just telling us at the moment. We need to imagine.

Ta ta for now!

Keep Writing!

Hello!

This is, of course, after I’ve been woken up by a button being pushed.

This would go better as "after I've been woken up by the push of a button." I know that's a cliché, but here I think it would work well.

In my short life I have seen everything from a wedding to a graduation.

Nitpick: when you say "everything from a ______to a ______" you should use two things that are very different. A wedding and a graduation aren't very different, actually; they're both big celebrations of turning points in peoples' lives. Maybe something like "from a wedding to an opera" or "from a family vacation to a graduation ceremony." You get what I mean?

We, my owner and I, went to where the bride was getting ready with bride’s maid.

I think "my owner and I" should be in parenthesis -- or rounded brackets, depending on where you're from.

I wished to comment, to give her encouraging words, but I was unable to do so.

Just say "I wanted to..." because that's what you say everywhere else. Also, "I wished to..." sounds weird, IMO.

One night I went with him to a youth event.

I believe there should be a comma after "night."

I was the unfamiliar emotion of fear as I was stripped away from my owner and the life I was used to.

I'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but you say "I was the unfamiliar emotion...." the camera WAS an emotion? Maybe you mean that it HAD the emotion, or something?

When I was woken up, I saw things I wish I didn’t.

I think this would be better as "...I wish I hadn't," but I guess it's up to you. *shrug*

In these events I wanted to join in.

I would change this to "I wanted to join in in these events." But if you don't want to do that, you should put a comma after "events."

Even if I wasn’t able to do these things I was able to do one thing that helped. I was able to record a wanted thief.

There should be a comma between "things" and "I." Also, I think the period after "helped" should be a colon.
_______________________

1) Is the way I did the personification fit well? Yes, I liked it a lot.
2) Did know from the context right away that it was the point of view from a camera? If not, what did you think it was? (last part's for fun) Okay, this is one of my major problems with this piece: the title gives it all away. Seriously! The way you wrote it would have left that up in the air for the whole beginning, but instead I knew ever since I read the title. Please change it! Pretty please.
3) How do you like the idea and the plot? They're good. 'Nuff said.
4) Gammar issues? I think I need a bit of help with puncuation... *ehem* *points at endless nitpicks* *ehem*
5) Other thoughts? I liked the repetition, but I thought that you could either make it more obscure, or more obvious. For example, I would like to see all the "I wanted to ______, but I was unable to do so" lines be the same, save whatever it is that's the blank. This would capitalize on the repetition and make it seem like less of a mistake. For example:
+I wished to comment, to give her encouraging words, but I was unable to do so.
+I wanted to thank him, but I was unable to do so.
+I wanted to laugh with them, but I was unable to do so.
+I wanted to scream out. I wanted to make him return me, but I was unable to do so.
+I wanted to run and tell someone. I wanted to let them see what was recorded in my memory but, at the time, I was unable to do so.

Notice how they're all different, really? I think it would be better if they all followed the basic "I wanted to ______ but was unable to do so." formula. Like this:

+I wanted to give her encouraging words, but I was unable to do so.
+I wanted to thank him, but I was unable to do so.
+I wanted to laugh with them, but I was unable to do so.
+I wanted to scream out, but I was unable to do so.
+I wanted to run and tell someone, but, at the time, I was unable to do so.


Also, (like ashleylee said) you need to work on showing rather than telling. Show us the videos of what happened, as it were.

That's pretty much it. You have a very original idea here, but it just needs a bit of work. And PLEASE change the title!

PM me if you have any questions/comments concerning my crit!

Hope this helps.
~Azila~

thanks so much for the advice and helping me with ideas! I'll change the title, I promise but I think I need help with ideas! If you have any ideas I'll be happy to hear them! I'll go back and try to describe some of the scenes more. thanks again!