Removed #2

heey
Nice one
It seemed a lot like a story in the shape of a poem which was awesome, it really seemed like you were talking to david
The only criticism I have is that sometimes the rhyming seems forced, like you wanted to make it rhyme so much you tried too hard, but it could be just me that thinks this
Besides that great job!

This is a very sad but sweet poem. There were a few spots where you seemed to change tense or the rhyming became a little forced, but over all I really liked it. And maybe rating it R was a little much. PG-13 would seem more reasonable. There is nothing that bad in this poem. And by chance did it have any real meaning behind it? But either way I'm definitely giving you a gold star for this.

Whoa, you just blew me away.
And you are only thirteen! Jeez!

I'm so jealous of your mad writing skills.

That was really deep and really touching.

It flowed nicely and the rhyming was good. I had to check your profile though because I thought maybe you were older and had gone through this because you have such a grasp on it and a good understanding.

You definatly have a cool style that makes a more comfortable yet evasive read. I felt like I was reading someone's diary. I could tell you really put yourself out there in that poem.

I definatly would like to read soem more of your stuff.
Keep up the good work.

Bravo!
-Rory