And Slowly I Heal

Healing. Yes, the one word I hate to hear. Somehow it reminds me of rocks, or cutting yourself shaving, mostly because of how it's used as to heal a wound. Yeah, I know, that sounds really weird. But, this isn't somewhere to write out my life story, so I'm NOT going to do that. I'll settle for what everyone else is doing: writing their own stories. So, here goes!
(P.S.: When I post "**" by a post, it means there's a new post (:)

"Lauren, you've got to talk to me sometime in life.. please!" Yeah, that's Lexie for you! Queen Drama as I call her. Lexie isn't a bad friend or anything, shes just.. well.. you know. A bit on the wild side. We were at a party on a Saturday night, not unusual for the pair of us, of course! I was in the bathroom, sitting down on the sink counter, crying. How could she have done this to ME, Lauren, her best friend? Well, I suppose you want to know what Lexie did. She did the worst thing known to all 14 year old girls: she stole my boyfriend. Ugh, that word, it sounds so.. so.. suckish now. Yeah, too bad suckish isn't really a word. That would be nice, if it were. "NO!" I yell through my sobs. "LEXIE, HOW COULD YOU!" She tries to turn the door's knob to enter the room. I lock the it as soon as I hear her attempt. "Lo, you don't understand! It was all him, and no me! Lauren, please, lets just talk about this face to face. This sounds crazy!" Crazy? Um, no. Just stupid in my eyes. Then I heard another voice. "Lauren, can you just stop being so complicated and come out here?" It was Bryon. Oh, just great! 'Cause you know, he's just the person I wanted to talk to at the present time. Wait. Before I go any further, I'm going to explain exactly what happend with Lexie and Bryon, okay? We had just arrived at the party. Well, we as in Lexie and I, tehehe. I found Bryon and went off dancing with him, while Lexie tried to find some guy to hook up with. Yup. I know what you're thinking! Hooking up already? But yeah. Shes like that. She hardly believes in relationships anymore. It's making out, kissing, sex and hook-ups.

Hi there Kayy-tea.

Firstly I would like to point out to you that YWS has a policy of making two reviews before you post any work. If you could please go do that, that would be awesome. This continues as your post, we look for a healthy two reviews per every one post. If you keep that in mind, please. ^^

On to the story!

Okay this is short. And it has no paragraphs. That's the first thing I think you'd want to look at. You need a seperation of events, best way to do that is through parapgraphing it at important, or completed points.

Next, seperate your dialogue from the main text. Each new person speaking should be on a seperate line. It helps the reader know what's going on. And try to refrain from the overt use of captals. You've said she's yelling, the caps make it go overboard.

I would suggest adding some more description in here, flesh it out. As is everything moves too quickly and we have no real knowledge of what's going on. Your reader gets confused and you lose what engagement you had with them.

So. This needs a lot of work, but I like your use of narrator, and with the fixing up, this could be quite good. Luck. ^^

Any questions, or whatever, Pm me. ^^ I'll be happy to answer them.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

Pingu did the needed verse. So, this is too bland, and too telly. It's like you're writing a script. Personally it seems that you didn't proof read.

"Lauren, you've got to talk to me sometime in life.. please!" Yeah, that's Lexie for you! Queen Drama as I call her. Lexie isn't a bad friend or anything, shes just.. well.. you know. A bit on the wild side. We were at a party on a Saturday night, not unusual for the pair of us, of course! I was in the bathroom, sitting down on the sink counter, crying.

This incorrectly spaced out:

"Lauren, you've got to talk to me sometime in life.. please!"

Yeah, that's Lexie for you! Queen Drama as I call her. Lexie isn't a bad friend or anything, shes just.. well.. you know. A bit on the wild side. We were at a party on a Saturday night, not unusual for the pair of us, of course! I was in the bathroom, sitting down on the sink counter, crying.

You've so much potential in this one scene which you spaunder her make-up being smudged with her tears, the description of the stalls or whatever it is. Her anger, give us more, right now this seems more scripted. Though this isn't trv we can't see how ya thinking.

Well, I suppose you want to know what Lexie did. She did the worst thing known to all 14 year old girls: she stole my boyfriend. Ugh, that word, it sounds so.. so.. suckish now. Yeah, too bad suckish isn't really a word. That would be nice, if it were. "NO!" I yell through my sobs. "LEXIE, HOW COULD YOU!" She tries to turn the door's knob to enter the room. I lock the it as soon as I hear her attempt. "Lo, you don't understand! It was all him, and no me! Lauren, please, lets just talk about this face to face. This sounds crazy!"

Again this is all telling, I like the narrator but this sort of writing be more suited for scripts. Again I'll fix it:

Well, I suppose you want to know what Lexie did. She did the worst thing known to all 14 year old girls: she stole my boyfriend. Ugh, that word, it sounds so.. so.. suckish now. Yeah, too bad suckish isn't really a word. That would be nice, if it were.

"NO!" I yell through my sobs. "LEXIE, HOW COULD YOU!" She tries to turn the door's knob to enter the room. I lock the it as soon as I hear her attempt.

"Lo, you don't understand! It was all him, and no me! Lauren, please, lets just talk about this face to face. This sounds crazy!"

Please, don't use caps, if we don't realize she's shouting then, you need to write this better. It's not like she'll be having casual conversation here! Really she's being tad overdramatic, there is much worse things. I get it the character, but surely she can think of worse. Overdramatic... you should seriously consider this a script.

Crazy? Um, no. Just stupid in my eyes. Then I heard another voice. "Lauren, can you just stop being so complicated and come out here?" It was Bryon. Oh, just great! 'Cause you know, he's just the person I wanted to talk to at the present time. Wait. Before I go any further, I'm going to explain exactly what happend with Lexie and Bryon, okay? We had just arrived at the party. Well, we as in Lexie and I, tehehe. I found Bryon and went off dancing with him, while Lexie tried to find some guy to hook up with. Yup. I know what you're thinking! Hooking up already? But yeah. Shes like that. She hardly believes in relationships anymore. It's making out, kissing, sex and hook-ups.

You halt the story to explain surely that could be done, more smoothly? Now last time I fix this:

Crazy? Um, no. Just stupid in my eyes. Then I heard another voice. "Lauren, can you just stop being so complicated and come out here?"

It was Bryon. Oh, just great! 'Cause you know, he's just the person I wanted to talk to at the present time.

Wait. Before I go any further, I'm going to explain exactly what happend with Lexie and Bryon, okay?

We had just arrived at the party. Well, we as in Lexie and I, tehehe.

I found Bryon and went off dancing with him, while Lexie tried to find some guy to hook up with. Yup. I know what you're thinking! Hooking up already? But yeah. Shes like that. She hardly believes in relationships anymore. It's making out, kissing, sex and hook-ups.

Question? Byron, that's a very old name, isn't it? Why you using such an old name. Why not have something more modern. It's modern isn't it?

Some advice about smoothing the flash back in: Well, you may as well know how it came to this.

More smooth entry.

Overall. You should write this as script it would forgive the lack of showing anything. Because right now this tells way too much. I don't even care for the characters in truth, they're annoying and there is barely any character development. So, my advice change this into script format and continue.

Good luck
VSN

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Listening to: Autopilot Off - Wide Awake
via FoxyTunes

This is pretty good, but you don't have any type of clear ending. It just kind of... stops in the middle of things.

I'd advise you to add to it a bit and make it spaced out, less cluttered. Things that are cluttered don't read comfortably and sometimes even discourage people from reading it at all!!
Be careful with this.

Overall it is good though, would be a nice one to develop further! It does make you curious as to how they continue from the complicated situation they're in.

Keep writing
Xxx Do

Haha, yeah, I know.
That was only like the first little piece, because I was reallllly tired and wanted to sleep XD. But i'll use all the suggestions, and I think i'll just re-write it.