Likeyyyyy!
Claire reminds me of a lot of people mixed up, including myself. When I bug you, you always react the way Trey did. So ha! Why is the mom the bad guy and not the dad? It's more symbolic that way.
There's really not much to critique, since the only mistakes I noticed were a few typos left behind to cry in their own imminent obliteration.
Other than that though... Nope, can't think of anything!
-throws cookie at you-
-Sela
Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.
Great! Were a lot less mistakes than the other one. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is Trey a male? I'm a bit confused on that. But other than that, I like it.
Once again, I am reminded vividly of a small Mexican boy. Well, maybe not small. But still.
NOW. I can't critique anything, really. But I WILL suggest that you... no, I don't really have anything to say. JUST PUT MORE ON. Thanks.
Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.
This was decidedly creepy. I think ya might need to let a little light in, these kids are SO SAD. Is there going to be any redemption? Do they have anything that they want besides to survive and avoid more pain? That is awfully despairing.
I didn't notice anything technically wrong, although it is a little confusing switching from Vyce's POV to Kirts. Maybe you could make it a little smoother?
I did like it. I just think it is incomplete without some kind of aim. Try to imagine a few chapters ahead. Are they still wandering around the west coast with tears of blood coming out of their ears? I hope not. I'm sure if you look into the future a little you will want to make life better for them.
