One of your major goals as a beginning poet is developing your own style. This is a rather daunting task at first, mainly because you're not quite sure what you're trying to achieve. That's okay! Style is something that comes with time and (trust me) a lot of practice. Read your classic poets and study what others have to say--you can only improve.
Unfortunately, with this poem, I just wasn't feeling it. Granted, I'm as hormonal a teenager as anyone else--but I've never quite felt this way about someone else. Ever. These seemed like "borrowed words". You're still relying on other people for your phrasing, which can work sometimes, but here confuses imagery and makes no sense. I don't see any original lines here.
The good news? You will get better at being original. Practice with words and the way they sound; practice creating things you think have never been done before. Just make sure the words are your own.
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.
Yes, it's horrible. It's horrible in both concept and execution.
The idea of describing "lust" by using Webster's Dictionary is so convincing as a serious poetic attempt it almost triggers the gag reflex. And the enjambment? Did you just click around on the screen and hit the Enter key until it vaguely resembled what you've glanced at in books?
Try not to post anything else of this low quality, and I'll do my part on forgetting you ever posted this.
Best,
Brad
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson
