Sin's Wrath (rewrite) #1

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“Wrath is anger of greater bitterness conceived in the innermost heart and soul“- Stoic Passion

The scarlet sun was barely visible behind the ebony clouds. Wrath sat on the edge looking a mile down. As smoke rose from the pipe in her mouth she looked to the west. A barren wasteland, not a sign of life. She could barely see the black flames in the far west, even with her 20/1 vision. She turned her head to the meadows of the east. The blue grass was frequently interrupted by the many fields of flowers of all different types. Blood red water went though the land like veins. Further east was covered with gray willows that went on for miles.

She was thin, basically a stick but even with her size she was strong enough to shatter the ground with a flick of her finger. Her white hair was barely touched her back. Black and white armor covered her chest. With black, fingerless, leather gauntlets on her arms. Around her waist was a black sash, her white pants legs were stuffed in her ankle high gray boots giving them a ballooning affect.

Wrath, the seventh and youngest child of the living embodiment of all sin. She was the physical form of all hatred. But she always had a smile, no matter what was happening. But everyone feared her. The Sin family can only be killed by a sword in the heart, they were the most powerful and feared beings since the beginning of morals. In the four generations of the Sin family, they have killed millions upon millions for one death.

'Such a nice day,' she thought. The direction of the wind changed, she smelled the scent of gold and jewels. Her ears found the sound of bare skin hitting the rock surface of the tower.

“Enjoying your time Sister Wrath. Climbing a mile high pillar of rock is not that easy. I’m happy I am getting paid for this,” said the teen-aged boy.

Taking the brown pipe out her mouth she said, “Yes Greed, I was. Till you showed up.” Her white pupil-less eyes glared into his black ones.

Greed’s flat, spiky, gold hair danced in the wind. His well-toned chest was being covered by black and white armor similar to Wrath’s but much older and in disrepair. His black sash held up ratty white shorts. He was slightly taller then Wrath.

The wind blew his hair, a black demon mark became visible. Over his right eyebrow, a triangle sloping down it showed he was one of the embodiments of the seven deadly sins and gained more power by feeling greed.

'Lucky bum,' she thought. ' He got his mark. Why don’t I have mine yet?' She had never felt angry enough to get her mark.

“That’s a nasty little habit, little sister,” he said looking at the pipe in her hands.

“Yes, and so is living in a shack with mountains of gold and jewels,” she said matter-a-fact tone of voice.

“Point taken, but I’m not here to talk about our bad little habits. Father sent me to tell you he wants to talk to you tonight.”

'Oh crap.' she thought. Her father was very powerful and evil.

“Did he say why he wanted to talk to me,” she asked while playing with her gauntlet.

“No, just what I said, then he gave me a pound of gold.” He sighed, “but I guess he wants to talk to you about your mark Wrath. You are the youngest of us and the only one who doesn’t have her mark yet.”

“I know but... Only a pound Greed? You used to charge five.”

“Well it has been a month and I missed you, you’re my only full sister.”

“Not to mention our older siblings don’t talk to us that much,” she added.

“True. I personally believe Pride would kill us if she could.”

“She wouldn’t do that to family.”

Greed looked at her with a shocked look. “She would in a heartbeat! And if not her, she would get her dog, Gluttony, to do us in!” Greed yelled. “She would not be the first sin to kill a family member. Father did it twice!”

“There would be no motive to it. Father killed his brother, Irk, to be the sole heir to the title of ‘Lord Sin’, and his mother because.... Wait, why did he kill Hel?”

“I think because we are immortal and he didn’t want to wait.”

“Back to the point, Pride would have no reason to kill me.”

“Some people don’t need a reason, little sister.”

She stood up, “ Well I can’t disagree there.” She looked over the edge of the stone pillar called ‘The tower‘. “See you when I see you.” Then she disappeared from sight.

‘The Tower’ was created at first for a watch tower against demon attacks but after a mass genocide or two, there was no need for it. So, it was left unused for thousands of years till Wrath saw it. She immediately made it her home. She put many tiny compartments to hide her belongs from the elements and her siblings.

“Good luck Wrath.” Greed said. “You’ll need it.”

The wind deafened her to the world. The ground was coming fast to greet her. Greed would most likely take his time going down. But Wrath wasn’t the patient type.

'Oh crap,' she thought as she saw a cloud of bugs below her. She went right through it. Bugs covered her face. “Gross!” She screamed in her mind. As she rushed to get bugs off of her face, the ground came up under her.

“Ouch,” she stated calmly as she saw her broken legs and apart of her femur that went though her torso. The blue grass was stained red with her blood. As she started to push back her shattered bone into her limp right leg her oldest sibling started to laugh.

“Wrath, did you go boom?” asked the green haired goddess.

“Envy, if you have enough free time to laugh at me, could you get my foot, its a few feet left of you,” She said, a tad bit annoyed. Her eldest sibling was nice when she wished to be, other times though, she was a real bitch.

Envy’s green hair reached to her knees. Her armor was just like Wrath’s but reached down to her waist. She also had a black sash that held up a white skirt. Envy had all the right curves in all the right places. She was taller then Wrath by about half a foot, which irritated Wrath to no end.

“Sure Snow,” Envy said while walking towards the detached foot.

“Will you stop calling me that! Snow is red in Hamartia, not white like in the human world!” Wrath yelled. Envy’s personal nickname for her made no sense. She always said it was because of her name and her hair.

'Because Wrath has everything to do with snow!' Wrath thought.

Envy threw the foot at Wrath with the intent of hitting her in the back of her head while her head was turned. Wrath caught it without looking and put it next to her footless leg. The skin and muscle started to reattach.

Wrath stood up, “That’s better,” she said as the hole in the stomach disappeared.

“Poor baby sister,” she said while hugging her little sister. ”You want one of these don’t you,” pointing to her mark, on the right side of her face, a triangle going from her middle jaw bone to the mid part of her nose.

Envy’s charcoal eyes darted over her sister’s smaller form. With seven hundred years of a difference between the two, the sisters were not that close. But Wrath was still the same, blissful, little child she remembered when they first met. True, she was only one day old, but she already had a personality all her own.

“I envy you Wrath,” Envy said still embracing her.

“You envy everyone, Envy. But why do you envy me?”

“Because you are not a slave to your name. But I pity you at the same time because you are.” With that, Envy let go and disappeared into a shadow.

Wrath’s white pants were red with her blood. She deiced to jump up a mile and change. While looking up towards the ivory sky, she pondered Envy’s words.

'My family makes no sense.'
Last edited by Wrath of the Bunny on Fri Apr 11, 2008 8:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
The world is in shades of grey, good and evil.
So why shouldn't I?




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First off, where are the friggen paragraphs!!!! The forums don't take tabs so you need spaces between paragraphs and double spaces between sections.

Wrath sat on the edge looking 5,280 ft down.

Just say one mile down. It's not suggested you use numbers in a story.

even with her 20/1 vision.

Once again advoid using numbers.

Her father was very powerful, scary, and evil.

I can't imagine scary in a sinister story like this. Scary seems like a word only a young child would use.

“Did he say why he wanted to talk to me?


Envy’s green hair

I like how you made her hair green. "Green with 'Envy'." That is good I have to say.

This story looks decent. I would like to see how it turns out. PM the next one and I'll review when I get free time.

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Boon of Eelong
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*Lethero*




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The idea is intriguing. The authenticity of the dialogue is also a plus. I liked the descriptions of the siblings, they were not cliche but they were vivid and grabbing. The world that you are creating has much promise.

It would be easier to read with proper formatting.

I look forward to the next installment. Good work!
"Men invent new ideals because they dare not attempt old ideals. They look forward with enthusiasm, because they are afraid to look back."



I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline