You

I don’t know how to show you,
Don’t know how to tell you,
never let me put into words,
Just how I felt,
You always saw.

You don’t just look at me,
You see me.
You don’t just see me,
You read me.
You don’t just read me,
You feel me.

Can’t hide behind the camera,
Can’t hide behind the screen,
You always see it.
You see inside me,
Through my eyes,
The fears, the tears I tried to hide.

The words I said,
They didn’t make sense, but
You still heard me.
You.
It was you
who made my life make sense…

First off, welcome to YWS!

Second off, you went way overboard on the "you"s. Practically every line starts with "you", yet I never really understood why I, the reader, should care about "You". Who is this "you" and why is he/she so special? You say this, but only in vague terms. I can't connect with the narrator's emotions because there's little for me to grab onto.
In order to express these feelings in a more interesting way, I'd think about "you" and a scene (real or imagined). Show us that scene and work your emotions into it with your word choice and metaphors.

On a secondary note, you don't need a punctuation mark at the end of every line either.

To end this positively, I think you had a bit of good imagery in this line:

Couldn’t hide behind the camera,
Couldn’t hide behind the screen,

Take the emotions behind this and try exploring them in a new way. Keep writing!

I think that the person before me pointed all the mistakes out. now it is pretty well done ^_^

I like it.

It explains some about myself,
When, In fact,
I din't write it..
A lot did start with "you"
But I feel it set a repition type of ordeal.
9/10

I'm guessing the poem's about someone called 'you'.


Unique

You don’t just look at me,
You see me.
You don’t just see me,
You read me.
You don’t just read me,
You feel me.

This is ok to start with but it doesn't complement the next stanza at all.

Couldn’t hide behind the camera,
Couldn’t hide behind the screen,
You always see it.
You see inside me,
Through my eyes,
The fears, the tears I tried to hide.
You don’t just look at me,
You see me.
You don’t just see me,
You read me.
You don’t just read me,
You feel me

You could cut all italicised words out...I really think they degrade it. Repitition is not worthwhile or original.

You've placed it again later in the poem but it looks ok because it isn't bundled up with another verse out of the blue.

There's something about this verse I like it.

The words I said,
They didn’t make sense, but you,
You still heard me.
You.
It was you.
You who made my life make sense…

Hope this helped

Peace V

I really like the poem overall; and feel that most points that I would've made have already been said.

Although I really don't think I like the repetition of

Quote:
You don’t just look at me,
You see me.
You don’t just see me,
You read me.
You don’t just read me,
You feel me.


I think it works the first time, but perhaps not so well the second?

Chanahbanana wrote:I don’t know how to show you,
Don’t know how to tell you,
You never let me put into words,
Just how I felt,
You always saw.

You don’t just look at me,
You see me.
You don’t just see me,
You read me.
You don’t just read me,
You feel me.

Couldn’t hide behind the camera,
Couldn’t hide behind the screen,
You always see it.
You see inside me,
Through my eyes,
The fears, the tears I tried to hide.
You don’t just look at me,
You see me.
You don’t just see me,
You read me.
You don’t just read me,
You feel me.

The words I said,
They didn’t make sense, but you,
You still heard me.
You.
It was you.
You who made my life make sense…

You don’t just look at me,
You see me.
You don’t just see me,
You read me.
You don’t just read me,
You feel me.

Welcome to YWS. I'm Rick. I hope you enjoy the site as much as we all do. After you get 25 reviews, you can access the YWS chatroom and talk about any work you're doing, ask for crits for anything, ask anyone if they have something they want/need critted, and/or just hang out in and talk about your day. Before you post your own work, you need atleast two crits. I see that you've done thia. Good job! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions/concerns about anything.

Bye.

-Rick.

The crit: I really liked this. I love the rhythm and rhyming you used. I also love your chorus. I do want to point out some little off key mistakes and I'll fix them for you.

Couldn’t hide behind the camera,
Couldn’t hide behind the screen,

Try to use "Can't" in both lines. That'll get it on key.

They didn’t make sense, but you,
You still heard me.

Get rid of the "you" in the first sentence.

Other than that, good job. Keep up the good work.

-Rick.

Hey

See you can write poems,

It has a very good rhythm although I agree with an earlier comment that you have overused the word 'you' a bit

Keep it up