Guilty Pleasures.

xxx

Hello there! Are you new to the YWS? I don't think I've seen you before. My name is Azila--nice to meet you.

Valid sources say it used to be blue. Now the color of a deadman's face and thin with wear, it greatly resembles used, strung together cotton balls.

Two things. One>> I suggest you make the period after "blue" into "but". Two>> "Deadman's" should be "dead man's".

He sits in honors Calculus, an average teenager or better, very adult and composed.

I think the comma after "better" should be a colon or semi-colon.

Occasionally, thin ragged pieces anxiously unravel and detach themselves from their home.

Comma after "thin".
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Overall, I thought this was very interesting. I'd be interested to know a bit more about this boy--what he wears, what his name is, etc.

Is this the beginning of something longer?

I hope this helps. PM me if I was unclear about anything.
~Azila~

Vielen Dank!!

I used to frequent this site for awhile, kinda forgot about it and found my way back.

I've thought on making it into something longer, but I'm actually not sure about that.

I'd add in more info about the guy, and I probably should, so as not to leave the readers in a state of confusion. However, I intentionally didn't include his name for the sake of preserving its purpose. He's a boy that's not well-known by or personal with the narrator, so I didn't wanna flesh out his character too much.

Thanks again for your help, Azila! Quite nice to meet you.

Hello, welcome to YWS!
Just making sure that you know the rules. Try to keep your posts to two reviews to every one literary work you post. Thanks!

Hey. As to your punctuation and grammar, I spotted nothing. As to the actual writing... I wondered at the point of it. I felt confused. You had some good description. But there was almost nothing to this. No plot, no characters, nothing.

I know I'm repeating myself, but I like to point of the positive aspects of a piece: You had some good descriptions, and some neat little details.

But I failed to see, again, the point. So a kid doesn't get rid of some drapes. Why is there so much speculation about it? Why are people so involved with this particular belonging of his? Just because it's old?

Curious...

Ah, good point. Its purpose was essentially to illustrate the idea that even those we'd not expect to have their vulnerabilities have 'em. Just a little detailed anecdote from an onlooker.

I suppose it could do with some work. I'll mess with it.

Thanks, KJ!

You have awesome descriptions, and very good grammar. I have to agree with KJ, and say that it was a bit confusing at some point. Other than that, you have a great start.

keep writing