Sweetest Goodbye

Sweetest Goodbye


Verse 1
Box of chocolates on my bed
A bouquet of roses the darkest red
Turn into reminders of your lips
Your eyes, your soul, the way you kiss
The taste of your breath
Lingers under my nose
The tears that I have left
Wilt every rose

{Bridge}
Round and Round
Up and down
Into the sweet memories of you, my heart will drown
I'm lost in your sweetness, never to be found

{Chorus}
I try to think back to the day we met
You gave me the sweetest memory I'll never forget
The smell of your body
The taste of your breath
Your eyes when you first saw me
I remember this as I slowly
die
You will always be my
sweetest goodbye

Verse 2
I want you back so bad
You were the greatest addiction I've ever had
I call you everyday
I don't know why cuz you don't answer anyway
Leave messages trying to apologize
But all you think you hear are lies
Just let me explain
You are the nightmare that lives in my dreams
I can't sleep
My heads spinnin round and round

{Bridge}
Round and Round
Up and down
Into the sweet memories of you, my heart will drown
I'm lost in your sweetness, never to be found

Repeat 2times
You will be my sweetest goodbye
The remnants of you are far to strong
And no matter how hard I try
I'll never be able to say goodbye

{Chorus}
I try to think back to the day we met
You gave me the sweetest memory I'll never forget
The smell of your body
The taste of your breath
Your eyes when you first saw me
I remember this as I slowly
die
You will always be my
sweetest goodbye

I like the depth in the lyrics. This is a good song. I think you could expand more though.

There are a lot of errors in your grammar but I won't pick them out because, after all, songs are meant to be heard, not read

It's a good lyric, but like aestar101 said, there's a lot of room for expansion. Sometimes minimalism in lyrics is effective, but I don't think this is one of those times. They say quality is better than quantity, but you have to make sure there's enough quantity to be able to judge quality. Add in a couple more verses; advance the story. Try to explain what happened, why did this couple break up?

I'm not really feeling the rhythm in the fourth line, and I'm not sure why. It's fits, but it seems as though it could do with a couple more syllables.

The 'round and round, up and down' part reminded me of Big Cook Little Cook. Not necessarily a bad thing. It may just be showing that I watch far too much children's TV

Also, look out for the repetition of the word 'lost'. Perhaps replace one of them with something else - this gives you a lot of room to be creative.

It's a pretty good lyric and with a few tweaks and a bit of expansion, it could be great. There's nothing really 'wow' about it right now, no real grab. It's deep though and it has great potential. Keep up the good work

Twas too short, was it just one of those random inspiration things that if you forced more it would suck? (like many of mine?)

For how long it is it's pretty much amazing!

Some suggestions on how to make it longer:

describe the kind of goodbye you're taking?
A few more things that make the goodbye horrible?


That's all I have,

best of luck
great song!
~~~Alice~~~

Okay, you've expanded, so now I will

First, a few structural errors. The parts you've called "bridge" are actually the "pre-chorus" and the part labelled "Repeat 2 times" is the bridge.

Box of chocolates on my bed
A bouquet of roses the darkest red
Turn into reminders of your lips
Your eyes, your soul, the way you kiss

I'm really getting a sense of rhythm now. The change here is definitely one made for the better.

The taste of your breath
Lingers under my nose
The tears that I have left
Wilt every rose

I'm not sure about the rhymes here. They seem a little forced. Taste lingers in your mouth or throat, not under your nose. You've also mentioned "the taste of your breath" in the chorus, so maybe edit it here to avoid repetition. Maybe adding a "to shed" or "to cry" to the end of the third line would improve it a little too.

Into the sweet memories of you, my heart will drown
I'm lost in your sweetness, never to be found

Another change for the better. At first I was skeptical about saying "sweet" in one line and "sweetness" in the next, but because you have the word "sweetest" in your title, I think it gives a good effect. The drowning heart is a good example of original, effective imagery.

I call you everyday
I don't know why cuz you don't answer anyway

I really like these lines. You've kept it simple and the lack of extravagance gives a real feel of poignancy.

You are the nightmare that lives in my dreams

I don't understand this line in relation to the rest of the song. Oxymorons can be used to great effect, but here, you're describing the person as a "nightmare" and yet you want him back. You need to be consistent about the feelings in this song, because you're making it quite clear that you miss this person, except for this line.

The remnants of you are far to strong

Fantastic line, I think! Again, you've kept it simple to capture the emotion. Well done

I try to think back to the day we met
You gave me the sweetest memory I'll never forget
The smell of your body
The taste of your breath
Your eyes when you first saw me
I remember this as I slowly
die
You will always be my
sweetest goodbye

Nothing grabbed me here. It seems to me as though your hook falls short, but other than that it's alright. The reminiscent feel of the first part is nice, but I kind of felt I was jerked too violently back to the present. I'd like to learn a bit more about the past.

In general, there doesn't seem to be any real story. Not all songs have to be a story, some may just be a feeling, but this one seems to flit between the two. If you want to tell the story of this couple, talk about thing like how they met, what things used to be like and why it went wrong. If you want to just portray a feeling, make sure it's really strong and powerful. Like I said above, keeping it simple often makes for a poignant feel, but also use some good imagery every now and then.

It's getting there. This lyric has loads of potential, so make sure you squeeze out every last drop! A couple of changes would really help it along. Keep up the good work

I loved this! A little rough...but almost like poetry. I love the ending! XD Keep up the good work! XD