Wildfire

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1

The night we returned home, burning ashes
floated in air like fireflies. We heard the
sirens ring through the night; school was out,
and we could just make out a red streak
across the highway. Our home was filled
with strangers, and their clothes smelled like
tires, and tears, and metal, and the Diaspora
of neighbors, some homes are only cinders; smoke
clogging our city, like Atlantis underwater,
and our lungs split and torn, until we breathed
the sun. We left as soon as we heard
the phone ring: the tree in our yard was already
aflame, carrot blazes licking cherry autumn leaves.
Fire: beautiful fire, we dance in your light, we
feast in your heat, we pray in your opulence,
we burn in your flames. We burn in your flames.

2

The last thing we left was my parents’ wedding
videotape. When our car was past the mountains,
past the city, past the fire: when we were all but safe,
we heard nuptial harmonies crackle in the flames.
The night we returned home, we found the
Bible under the rubble, unscathed leather:
we are our brother’s keeper, “Am I?”
Fire is the wrath of trees; it is the sun’s dooming
gaze, father’s deep unforgiving glaze;
Fire is a red sky, slithering like a snake
through empty streets, until its tail is caught
in its mouth. Endless, it pierces through walls like
soldiers of war—flame, flesh and glass,
it never loved anyone but itself.
Last edited by Gadi. on Tue Apr 15, 2008 4:34 am, edited 2 times in total.
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away




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Wow! I really enjoyed that!

I love to read poetry, but when it comes to reviewing it, I leave a lot to be desired. So, let's have a look!

I am not sure if I understood the message, but I have an idea. I won't say it because I will look stupid if its wrong :oops:. At first, I was a little concerned that this would just be a story in verse, and the start is. However, the end of the first part, and the entire second, I loved. I thought the imagery was great, and I loved all the lovely wordy sentences.

More good points, include your use of repetition and spot on grammar. Actually, just one thing:

“am I?”

Should be capital 'A' I would say.

I really enjoyed that, honesty! I am not sure if I have read any of yours before now, but I think you are a very talented poet.

Keep writing!

~Mark
We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.




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Gadi. wrote:1

The night we returned home, burning ashes
floated in air like fireflies. We heard the
sirens ring through the night; school was out,
and we could just make out a red streak
across the highway. Our home was filled
with strangers, and their clothes smelled like
tires, and tears, and metal, and the Diaspora
of neighbors, some homes are only cinders; smoke
clogging our city, like Atlantis underwater,
and our lungs split and torn, until we breathed
the sun. We left as soon as we heard
the phone ring: the tree in our yard was already
aflame, carrot blazes licking cherry autumn leaves.
Fire: beautiful fire, we dance in your light, we
feast in your heat, we pray in your opulence,
we burn in your flames. We burn in your flames.

2

The last thing we left was my parents’ wedding
videotape. When our car was past the mountains,
past the city, past the fire: when we were all but safe,
we heard nuptial harmonies crackle in the flames.
The night we returned home, we found the
Bible under the rubble, unscathed leather:
we are our brother’s keeper, “am I?”
Fire is the wrath of trees; it is the sun’s dooming
gaze, father’s deep unforgiving glaze;
Fire is a red sky, slithering like a snake
through empty streets, until its tail is caught
in its mouth. Endless, it pierces through walls like
soldiers of war—flame, flesh and glass,
crystal clear blue blood.


Wow, this is excellent. I see the message in it. It's about a family being burned, no? Well, it has a good, but dark meaning to it. I like the rhythm used in it. This poem has enough details in it to show the message, I see nothing to fix. Keep up the good work.

-Rick




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Hey! Thank you very much for your crits.

"It's about a family being burned, no?"
I'd let you decide that. When I wrote it, I imagined their house being burnt, not them.

" am not sure if I understood the message, but I have an idea. I won't say it because I will look stupid if its wrong."
No! You won't look stupid nor wrong! You will look perfect if you told me what you thought the message what, because then I can change my poem to thus change my message.
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away




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Okay, so poetry isn't my area of expertise, and I don't know how mch I can help you.

I quite liked this. I like reading poetry and lyrics that are like stories, they're better than random ramblings.

Our home was filled
with strangers, and their clothes smelled like
tires, and tears, and metal, and the Diaspora
of neighbors, some homes are only cinders; smoke
clogging our city,


I can't be sure, but wasn't there loads of fires somewhere in America earlier this year or something? Because that's what this bit reminded me of. I could be wrong, but it's what it made me think too.

I don't have anything else to say. But I really liked it.
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*




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Very interesting poem. I enjoyed the read. I think its the most interesting poem I've read. Great job!
Sincerely,

Jade




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Intersesting. Really nice. How do you write like that?! i enjoyed it.




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I can't be sure, but wasn't there loads of fires somewhere in America earlier this year or something? Because that's what this bit reminded me of. I could be wrong, but it's what it made me think too.


Yes... this is based on the October 2007 San Diego fires. I was evacuated, but our house didn't burn down like I wrote in the poem. There were about 1000 homes lost, however, and I tried to put these feelings of loss, anger and wistfulness into this poem.
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away




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First thats an awsome tital you've got, best tital in the world.

A very interesting poem, it has rwal meaning to it.

Keep it up.




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Endless, it pierces through walls like
soldiers of war—flame, flesh and glass,
it never loved anyone but itself.


Wonderful poem. It's definitely dramatic.
I love the very last part, about never loving anyone except itself. Strong.

There's nothing I can see that needs critiquing, it's so original. :)

Great job

Peace V :P
Inky
Smile - ur alive



“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451