Ride along

Ride along little bobbin,
don't even look up from your game.
Don't you realize what you're missing?
Don't you see the wonders outside your window?

The trees seem endless,
tall and proud, yet bare.
Winter has just let go of it's hold on them.

Then civilization begins,
bilboards, stores and parking lots.
The sight looks tempoary.
But those are the things that are there to stay.

So ride along little bobbin,
ignore what you could see.
The sun rising over the woods,
its beauty could take your breath away.
Or the shops and the resturants,
with all their plastic marvles.

So let the world carry on,
you are just passing through.
All those things are worth paying attention to though.
But you just ride along little bobbin,
show that they're of no interest to you.

Ride along little bobbin,
don't even look up from your game.
Don't you realize what you're missing?
Don't you see the wonders outside your window?

Bobbin is spelled with two b's I believe. An interesting start. I like the tone in this.

The trees seem endless,
tall and proud, yet bare.
Winter has just let go ofits hold on them.

No apostrophe there. Nice imagery!

Then civilization begins,
billboards, stores, and parking lots.
The sight looks temporary,
at least to me.
But those are the things that are there to stay.

Couple of misspelled words there, and you need a comma after stores. You did a good job with rhythm here. I like the sound.

So ride along little bobbin,
ignore what you could see.
The sun rising over the woods,
its beauty could take your breath away.
Or the shops and the restaurants,
with all their plastic marvels.


So let the world carry on,
you are just passing through.
All those things are worth paying attention to though.
But you just ride along little bobbin,
show that they're of no interest to you.

I really love the ending =) This is a very nice and cute poem, you did a good job, overall =D

I liked this poem. I'm not sure why, but there's something about it that attracts me to it. So, great job on that.

Alice wrote:Ride along little bobin,

What is this supposed to be? I tried to look for "bobin", but found nothing, so either you meant "robin" (which works well with the poem) or "bobbin" (which... I dunno... doesn't quite work?). Soon as that gets cleared up, the poem will be that much more impactful.

The sight looks temporary,
at least to me.
But those are the things that are there to stay.

I don't think you need "at least to me" in here. "The sight looks temporary/But those are the things that are there to stay" seems to flow well. The third line is a little wordy, so if you could just hack out a couple words there, it'll flow a little smoother.

So let the world carry on;
you are just passing through.
All those things are worth paying attention to, though.
But [s]you[/s] just ride along little bobin,
show that they're of no interest to you.

Just a few tweaks on this stanza (I added a semi-colon at the end of line one, a comma toward the end of line three), and it's starting to look a little bit smoother.

Not much to crit on this one, which is both good and bad. Good, because that's less typing I have to do, but bad, because I'm probably missing something huge. But great job anyway!

kf