Just Friends

This poem is a thing I made for Reading class. Lesson topic: Metaphor and Simile.

Just Friends

I'm just a friend,
At least that's what you say.
But to me you're something more than that,
I think about you every single day.

You are the fuel I need to live,
The food to solve my hunger.
The wall when I need support.
The pillow to comfort me when I suffer.

Now I want you to know everything,
Everything that I feel for you.
You are the love that I always needed,
I only hope that I am yours too.

I like it.
I have a strange obsession with just friends types of things.
The only thing I suggest is that you add "that" and splitting "I'm" up to "I only hope I'm yours", changing it to "I only hope that I am yours."
Get it?
Really good.
=]

I don't see simile in here, the metaphor is really just lackluster and stapled to your 2nd stanza like that is all you need. If this is for homework, I'd at least separate it up. Spread it out and put some more work, including a few smilies into it.

"Just Friends

I'm just a friend, (Unoriginal)
At least that's what you say. (Cliche)
But to me you're something more than that, (Cliche)
I think about you every single day. (unoriginal)

You are the fuel I need to live, (Metaphors.....)
The food to solve my hunger.
The wall when I need support.
The pillow to comfort me when I suffer. (End metaphors)

Now I want you to know everything, (unoriginal)
Everything that I feel for you. (Everything.. was just used last line.)
You are the love that I always needed, (Cliche)
I just hope I'm yours too." (Cliche)

For all I know, you had this generic poem stamped out and just did four metaphors and inserted them into the middle. It may sound harsh, but there is no imagery, word choice and form is lacking. Also it is highly unoriginal and the whole 'hope for love' sort of poem that is lacking detail and deep feeling.

I kind of agree with the last post, I am sorry to say. It's a hard topic to do because it is done so often, so you have to think really outside the box to really make it sound original. Look into word choice, the thesaurus is my best friend. There is nothing wrong with using it to find some new way of describing something that will make people go...hmm.

Try really digging deep and reworking it, it could be something really great if you did.


Hope this helps,

OverEasy

I will echo what Kenpachi said. I don't see any similies here. Also, yes the topic is a very hard one to do, because it is done so often. Don't let that be a put-off though, because I like the kind of well-flowing atmosphere you have here.

I am not a huge fan of rhyming couplets, but I think you did a good job here. This is not the most original piece I have seen, but I do believe you did an alright job with what you wer given and I enjoyed it. The second stanza is my favourite, more imagery. These are metaphors though, and not similies.

I enjoyed that piece though, not bad!

Keep writing!

~Mark

i have to admit, reading the middle part was like (*reads first line* ow... *reads second line* ouuuuch... *reads third line* OOWW! *reads last line* my eyes are numb. didn't feel a thing.

but it is a difficult topic, hard to be original, and it was a decent attempt.