Emily Fisher

"Run away! Emily, you know you should, your life is horrible. Run away from your worries. From your terrible class mates, from your mom. Running away will solve your problems".

I've had that dream for two months now. And I'm not sure if I should. My dad was the high light of my life, once. Hew used to love me, care for me, and made me forget about school and mom.

On September 12th, 2005 he left. Two and a half years now. I can't believe I haven't gone crazy or anything like that, yet. I live in a trailer all the way up in Maine. There's this dump, people call school, I go to.
Tom goes there too. He's my neibor.

I. NITPICKS

winie603 wrote:"Run away! Emily, you know you should, your life is horrible. Run away from your worries. From your terrible class mates, from your mom. Running away will solve your problems."

I've had that dream for two months now. And I'm not sure if I should. My dad was the highlight of my life, once. He used to love me, care for me, and made me forget about school and mom.

On September 12th, 2005 he left. Two and a half years now. I can't believe I haven't gone crazy or anything like thatyet. I live in a trailer all the way up in Maine. There's this dump, people call school I go to.Tom goes there, too. He's my neighbor.

Just a few grammatical errors.

II. OVERALL IMPRESSION

I didn't really understand this. She has a dream of some person we don't know telling her to run away and then she's in a reverie about how her father left and how she lives and her neighbor?I don't see anything that really ties this together nicely. Other than that, I can't really review it. It's so short that I can't pass any judgment on it beside the tying together bit.

Sorry, I think something happend. I didn't mean to end the story that way. I accidentally pressed the "submit" button.

You didn't really give us much to critique and periwinkle pretty much said it all. All I can say is that you need to describe that dream more since all you used was dialog and it didn't work well. Also describe the wrest of the story more. It was short, simple, but then again, not too bad either. Keep on writing.

Well, repost it quick or people will keep complaining on how small it is!

Yeah, I was about to "complain" about the length... So post the whole thing! XD

Also, make sure you use a spell-checker or something, because those mistakes Periwinkle noticed were pretty easy to fix.

Then I'll come back and critique it... I promise!
~Azila~