Bard's Soliloquy

"I have heard the tales that the gales have had to tell. I have cheated time and stole from it. i have walked the hall that leads to hell and now i know its path. I have sailed battles where mad waves of men aimed to smite me, with but my sword as an oar and my shield a row to steer me through. I run from truth, as a mad-man might flea from his shadow. I have kept way from love, in fear of what i might harm and so i grew numb. now the beating of my heart is but a mere thump upon a hollow wood. the sighs of my hurt a distant creak trailing the oldest night, that no one catches. now i wait. i linger as time draws near with its book in hand, collecting what is rightfully hers. I am a kin to the great Oak, rooted to one world and reaching for another."

-Falkin Bard-

lovely.
check out mine?
'Luna, the princess of darkness'

This had some really good flow to it. I liked and enjoyed it a lot. Only thing that can improve it is if you actually put it in poetry format.

Example:

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
YWS is awesome,
and this poem is too.

Corny, I know. So other than that, I really have nothing else negative to say. Keep writing. We need to see more from you.

Yes, please put it in poetry format. At first I thought it was just a paragraph until I read what section it was put in.

You have quite a few neglected capitalizations and a few misspellings as well.

ArtisanofGuild wrote:"I have heard the tales that the gales have had to tell. I have cheated time and stole from it. I have walked the hall that leads to Hell and now I know its path. I have sailed battles where mad waves of men aimed to smite me, with but my sword as an oar and my shield a row (I think you mean a "rudder") to steer me through. I run from truth, as a mad-man might flee from his shadow. I have kept way from love, in fear of what I might harm and so I grew numb. now the beating of my heart is but a mere thump upon a hollow wood. The sighs of my hurt a distant creak trailing the oldest night, that no one catches. Now I wait. I linger as time draws near with its book in hand, collecting what is rightfully hers. I am a kin to the great Oak, rooted to one world and reaching for another."

-Falkin Bard-

I'm a little confused as to why this is the lamenting of a bard. In general, the bard does not fight. They are musicians and storytellers, not fighters, despite the fantasy roleplaying thing.

Also, is 'time' supposed to be an entity? If so, capitalizing it to be "Time" would make it a bit more human, rather than an abstract word for the passing of whatnot.

*thumbs up*

~GryphonFledgling

I liked it.
Some very insane punctuation errors, coming from uncapitalizing the I's and such.
I think this'd be pretty good as a poem, arranged in a sonnet.
If you need fantasy help contact Vernon, though it doesn't seem like you need any. (Vernon's his name on YWS)

Definitely put it into poetry format, it would work good and not run on like a regular monologue. Though as for actual poetic value, it seems to be not unlike a sonnet, but at the same time not pure poetry in form. You have a bit of prose that works among the metaphors.

I have heard the tales that the gales have had to tell. I have cheated time and stole from it. i have walked the hall that leads to hell and now i know its path. I have sailed battles where mad waves of men aimed to smite me, with but my sword as an oar and my shield a row to steer me through. I run from truth, as a mad-man might flea from his shadow. I have kept way from love, in fear of what i might harm and so i grew numb. now the beating of my heart is but a mere thump upon a hollow wood. the sighs of my hurt a distant creak trailing the oldest night, that no one catches. now i wait. i linger as time draws near with its book in hand, collecting what is rightfully hers. I am a kin to the great Oak, rooted to one world and reaching for another."

The first 4 sentences have some structural issues. Though if you want it to rhyme in a part, lose the 'and now i know its path' in the third line. The fourth needs some help, its like a run on sentence.

"i linger as time draws near with its book in hand, collecting what is rightfully hers."

That line is a little unusual. Time is not death and I doubt time carries a book. It just seems awkward and out of place.

" I am a kin to the great Oak, rooted to one world and reaching for another."

I thought that was the World Tree, like from Norse mythology?

"I run from truth, as a mad-man might flea from his shadow."
Madman run from his shadow? Usually past, unless its schizophrenia.
"I run from the truth, as a madman fleeing from his past."

A nice piece, but it needs some work still.