Between Two Worlds

6 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1075
Reviews 344
The middle of two worlds lies in slumber now,
But If my mind was to wander, which it eventually does-
I find myself amongst those September days, waiting.

Waiting for you to come, for the anticipation to ascend into
little more than a sigh or a promise, soaking in the tangy taste of
salt lips and suspicious clear skies…of a snatch at the slipping sand of
what I like to call childhood. And what you call a day.

But you don’t see the world like I do, a jumble of excitement and-
half hearted disappointment, tied together by an endless search for inspiration,
A need to relate to something, a shadow, anything.
You see the world through an empty, poisonous grin.

For things, even your troubles come and go easily,
You wave at them whilst they fly past.
And I am left to stumble in your jelly sandal wake,
Yet I need you more than I admit.

To lead the way through the clouds, and to show
Me that place. Our place where we’ll met tomorrow.
And you’ll show me your world all over again,
And shade my face with your hand,
From the scorching sun of my own.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 27
Interesting images and ideas. I thought it was well written and you obviously put thought and effort into each word. I really liked it, but I'm curious to know what inspired it for you. Great work! ~LM
"...I have conclusively determined that you are not Hamlet, Scout Finch, Frankenstine's monster, Ms. Marple, or a golum. Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golum?"~Dustin Hoffman




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 26
The middle of two worlds lies in slumber now,
But If my mind was to wander, which it eventually does-
I find myself amongst those September days, waiting.
I think it would flow better without the “which it eventually does”. It seems a little out of place to me.

of a snatch at the slipping sand of
what I like to call childhood. And what you call a day.
I loved that line.


And you’ll show me your world all over again,
And shade my face with your hand,
From the scorching sun of my own.
Wow. Awesome use of language.

I really liked this poem. You clearly have a lot of talent, and as last mohican said, you obviously spent a lot of time and care on this, and I’m also curious where the inspiration from this came. Nice work.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 74
Very good it flowed and was beautiful. One of the few poems I've seen so far to actually have a good word choice and flow with depth and not whine or lament about romance in a bland way. Was good and the imagery was nice.

Have a gold star! *stick*
Blank Chapters 1-5 at:
http://kenpachimasamune.page.tl/
Check it out!

You found Ghostie! ๏̯͡๏)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1075
Reviews 344
The inspiration for this is my best friend. She keeps me from going insane, and our days togther are usually in the summer time- when I try to get away from writing because it drives me crazy.

Thanks very much for the comments,

Eimear
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 62
I'm jealous of your title because it would be perfect for a piece of mine...damn you....






...but yes. Its great writing. So I guess I can't stay mad.

:D
Is this bass REALLY strong enough?



Meatball, meatball, spaghetti underneath; ravioli, ravioli, great barrier reef!
— Spongebob