Aquama Dragon

This is to be my entry for the On Fire contest. What I'm really looking for is thoughts on the piece itself (ie., symbolism, etc.), especially the end. I'm not really satisfied with that in particular. =/ Oh, for contest purposes, this piece was inspired by the second picture.
Well, have at it!
************
Aquama Dragon

Darkness encompassed the whole of the underground chasm. Not even the miniscule light given them by the group’s torches could reach the distant walls on either side of the deep grotto. The quiet splashes made as the oars rhythmically split the water faded into nothing, heightening the feeling among the twenty men and boys that their existence was as nothing compared to the creature which they hunted.

The torches suddenly flickered in a breath of wind, the first the twenty comrades had felt since entering the gods-forsaken lair of the Aquama Dragon. In another instant, their tiny pinpoints of reassuring torchlight went out, and the company was plunged into death-like darkness. An older man cursed and rummaged around without success in the bow of his dinghy for something to relight the oiled cloth on his torch.

One of the youngest boys cried out in fear, pointing unseen through the darkness at a brief flash of bright light. Some of the older men, knowing more of the legend of the Aquama Dragon, covered their eyes as the pinprick suddenly exploded into a ball of fire and traced courses along the water’s surface as if following oil trails.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dragon rears high over their heads. It has shown itself to these Seekers, shown itself as it is—born, made, killed by, and wreathed in Flame. Fire is the body and mind, heart and soul of this creature, created by Vulcan in the deepest mountain and volcano forges of the early Gods’ Age. Its Fire is unquenchable and cannot be doused by Water.

This is the essence of the Aquama Dragon—Fire dominating Water as no other creature known to Man has, had, or ever will. A sinuous shape shrouded in Fire sprouts from the Water into an inferno of Light too intense for mortals’ eyes. Its claws part Water as Man’s picks and axes tear up Earth. Without the Flame around its head, the skull is as large as two of Man’s dinghies moored end-to-end. It towers five stories over the quivering, cowering Men, its outstretched wingtips brushing the walls of the cavern and its nose-horn scraping the black rock above it.

It is Fire, it is Water—
It strikes fear of Fire
In Honest Men and Liars—
Even in those called Brave Seekers.

It is Aquama—Fire dominating Water.
Fire Can Never be Controlled.
Not by Gods and
Certainly Not by Men.

This is Why it Was Imprisoned—
Beneath Earth,
Above Water—
Chained by Its Creators.
It Was Left for All Eternity
To Wallow Between Water and
Earth Without a Single Breath
Of Air to Stir the
Flame.

Don't have much time, but this was a pretty cool piece. I thought that it was very well written. Details were cool, too. You switched tenses between the two parts though. I'm assuming it was on purpose but I think you should just leave it in the past tense. I didn't notice any punctuation mistakes. And as for the symbolism, I really didn't see any. It was all pretty general. The poem is cool... I don't think you have anything to be unhappy about.

Good job.

I agree with KJ. She's right about you switching between tenses but otherwise, this was really intersting. I mean, how you described the dragon was really cool. How it defeated water and such.

Also, it was very well written. No grammer mistakes that I could tell (though I'm not the best at grammer myself )

Anyway, all I have for advise is Keep Writing!

Hmm, I like this! I like how you put so many details in, but you did it in a way that you weren't doing info-dumps!

It is Fire, it is Water—
It strikes fear of Fire
In Honest Men and Liars—
Even in those called Brave Seekers.

It is Aquama—Fire dominating Water.
Fire Can Never be Controlled.
Not by Gods and
Certainly Not by Men.

This is Why it Was Imprisoned—
Beneath Earth,
Above Water—
Chained by Its Creators.
It Was Left for All Eternity
To Wallow Between Water and
Earth Without a Single Breath
Of Air to Stir the
Flame.

I also really like this, when I was reading it, it almost chanted itself through me head,

I didn't see any mistakes, so Great Job!


~Fire

something to relit the oiled cloth on his torch

relight

This is odd. Not only do you change tense, you also change form. While it's not a bad thing to break from convention and to change things up, it will more then usually fail, especially if done from an uninformed perspective. What I'm struggling to figure out is why you did so at all.

There is no point in beginning a standard short story, in a fairly good and engaging fashion, then suddenly switching to an almost biblical - at the very least, formulaic, retelling of a legend in which Man is suddenly capitalised and it's all very pointless. Now we are disengaged from the story, the reality you set up is destroyed. Tell the story in one fashion, not two that cancel each other out.