What happened?

What happened to the older days?
When times were slower,
and happiness easier.
When a "friend in need",
was a "friend indeed".

What happened to the wars we fought?
the men that died,
to save our freedoms.
When now in a moment,
they can be taken away.

What happened to America?
Now choked with chains,
unbreakable and heavy,
not binding the body,
but enslaving the mind.

AMEN, BROTHER. Send this to the White House. Lord knows they need this poem. It is a great projection of the perpetual decline of America!!!!!

Very touching. You made a valid point that not many people think about and realize. Great job!

Two words: Right on!

Yay!

I love the point you make because tis true...tis..tis...tis...uh...tis

My edits in bold.

Firestar wrote:What happened to the older days? Great start!
When times were slower,
and happiness easier.
When a "friend in need",
was a "friend indeed". Loved these last two lines...

What happened to the wars we fought?
the men that died,
to save our freedoms. The first two lines were good, but the rhythm cuts out in this third line.
When now in a moment,
they can be taken away.

What happened to America?
Now choked with chains,
unbreakable and heavy, Too many syllables here.
not binding the body,
but enslaving the mind.

So I guess it was mostly comments, not edits...

Your rhythm was great in the first stanza, but after that it kind of died.

Your third stanza was my favorite, but I think that it would be better if you got rid of the third line. I know that would make it a four line stanza in a five line poem, buuut... I think it would be worth it.

My only edits have to do with rhythm, the content was great.

9/10

Teh Wozzinator

Oh, I liked this a lot. It had so much feeling in it. Which makes poetry poetry! And also because it was so true! Very well done.

Great Job

I loved this. I agree with aestar. You should send this to the White House. It's touching and very interesting.