Epiphany

This a topic close to me. This was how I changed. It was amazing, so I wrote about it. So I hope you guys like it. Comments appeciated.

I was once a follower
Who just wanted to fit in
A fool caught up with everyone’s thoughts

I was shallow,
Just skin deep
I tried hard to make friends I couldn’t keep

I didn’t know when it happened.
It was gradual,
Progressive.

It was God’s wake up call,
Telling me to change
My Epiphany,
My Miracle,
My Change.

I looked inside,
And brought out the feeling I tried to hide

Now I am me
That’s all I’ll be
No need to please the un-pleasable
Who needs them.
I’ll change myself for no one

I’m me
My Epiphany

I was once a follower
Who just wanted to fit in
A fool caught up with everyone’s thoughts
A tiny change, but I'd put a full stop at the end of this stanza.

I was shallow,
Just skin deep
I tried hard to make friends I couldn’t keep
This doesn't flow very well. How about "Trying hard to make friends that I couldn't keep"?

I didn’t know when it happened.
It was gradual,
Progressive.

It was God’s wake up call,
Telling me to change
My Epiphany,
My Miracle,
My Change.
I don't like the repetition of the word "change" here, and I don't think those three words need to be capitalized.

Looking inside,
I brought out the feelings
That I tried to hide.
I changed this slightly as I don't think the two line stanza fitted with the rest of the poem.

Now I am me
And that’s all I’ll be -
No need to please the un-pleasable
Who needs them.
I’ll change myself for no one.
Needs a question mark after "them", and I'm not sure unpleasable is a word. I could be wrong. I also added a full stop on the end and a hyphen to connect the second line to the third.

I'm me
My Epiphany
I'd change that to "I am".

It's a slightly overdone subject really, but it definitely has potential, and is something people can relate to. However, I think it would work better if you used a consistent structure throughout all of your stanzas. Also, you tend to tell, rather than show. Rather than slapping the reader in the face with your point, nudge them in the direction of it so that they can find it for themselves, through examples or metaphors, or imagery. Hope I helped. Keep writing.

This is kind of a long poem, which i felt like I was forceing my self to read. It was nice, just a little too long to tell one topic. Try Summing it up faster. Its a great poem though


keep writing@!

It's a good idea for a poem, but this piece isn't doing much with the idea. Like Matt Bellamy said, you told rather than showed quite a bit. Plus, some of your word choice is confusing. When I think "epiphany", I don't think "gradual, progressive". I think "sudden, explosive". If you want to create something more interesting with this idea, I'd try a different approach. You kind of have three parts: Before Epiphany, Epiphany, and After Epiphany. I'd dedicate a few stanzas to each one, describing a scene that shows it.

Before Epiphany: You were trying to fit in. Why? With who? How did you try? What happened as a result?

Epiphany: What led to this revelation? Was there some trigger event? Did it come from an outside source? A voice in your head?

After Epiphany: How did you change as a result of the epiphany? Was it all internal or was there an external manifestation? How did others react to the change?

Hopefully these questions get you in the right direction. Show us more detail and you could make this a great poem. Keep writing!