I still need help with the part about showing what she's like on a "non perfect day" If anybody has ideas, let me know!
Happy Reading!
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What a perfect day! Sunlight streams from the sky and warms me to the bone. I feel the warmth all the way down to my toes. The sky was a perfect cerulean blue and only a few scattered clouds dotted the sky. But looking up at the sky, I think of my father. How lonely he must, flying on a buisness trip. He had left yesterday, leaving my mother and I home alone, yet again. I had pled with him since today was Mother's Day, but he had refused. Now, mother had to spend this holiday alone.
I arrive home, humming a sweet tune my mother used to sing to me when I was young. It was older and the name has vanished along with the memory of the words that go along with it. But the melody is imprinted upon my mind.
When I gaze up, I see my house. The rock of my life. The one place where my family resides. Who will welcome me home with open arms, no matter how bad or horrible I have been. I step up to the door with a slight skip in my step, feeling so carefree. But before I enter, a cloud slips over the sun, creating a downy overcast. A wild wind snarls my hair into a tangle on my head and I let my eyes flit to where the clouds swirl together menacingly. My stomach gives an uncomfortable twitch and deep down, a whisper of a voice is telling me that something is wrong.
I walk inside and head straight to the kitchen. I know now that my intuition was right. Tonight's dinner is cooling on the stove, the burnt smell of meatloaf overtaking the small kitchen. My mother is slumped over, palms covering her face.
"Mom," I ask softly, shaking her shoulders.
She looks up from the table and I meet her bloodshot gaze. Then I know that today is not as perfect as it seemed. I know before she tells me what has happened as I crumple into the nearest seat. Today, Father was supposed to present mother with a bouquet of flowers. He was supposed to kiss her and tell her he will never leave her alone. But he lied. He was gone, lost to this world before my sixteenth birthday. Before I even learned to drive. He went, even after me and mother begged him not to.
And now look where it got him. Smashed into the earth, no longer able to see, talk, or breath. He had left my mother and I alone and helpless. My mother moved closer to me, smoothing her trembling and chilled fingers over my pale cheeks, whispering condoling words into my ear. I couldn't move. I was lost in an aching void. My heart felt as though it was missing a part of it.
And I knew that part could never be filled again.
Just count the highlighted parts; the first one is one, the second is two, etc. Sorry!
You forgot to capitalize your I's. How can a house welcome someone home? That part made me laugh. you might want to use a different word other than "traverse." Normally you wouldn't say, "I traversed through the door." The ending threw me of a little. "And I knew that part could never get filled," needs rewording. For example, you could say "And I knew that part could never be filled." Basically, you just need to replace the word "get." That's about all the critiques I can offer. I hope there is more to it!