Never Ending Gory

Yes, mother, I love you, But does this mean, I put everything above you?
No, mother, it doesn't. Sometimes you just need to see, I NEED to be me.

I'm aware that you're hurting too, but it's not my job to fix you.
It's not yours to fix me either, just quit trying. Because honestly,
I'm sick of seeing you crying.
It's not you're fault, and there's nothing you can do.
I am me. and always will be.
You're simply over thinking it all,
You're never going to change me.
How many times, mother, do I have to say who I am?
You gave birth to me, and raised me,
Can't you see, I'm just me?
Nothing you do now, will change what happened then,
Nothing I kill now, will have life again.
I kill it so I don't have to see it.
I kill it so I don't have to feel it.
I kill it so I don't have to BE it.
I kill the pain.
I kill the tears.
I kill the fears.
I kill the failure.

I'd kill you too, but I do believe someone loves you.




[This is free style. It doesn't always rhyme, but I do believe it has some good flow. Anyway, please keep in mind FREESTYLE. I do think Walt Whitman was a genius.]

hmmm... Interesting. A litttle creepy but nice. DIffferent point of view and it does make sense. Well DOne ^_^

Definately interesting. And you're right, it does have good flow. Slightly creepy... but I guess that was kind of what you were going for?
The repetition at the end was... all right, but it didn't strike me the same way as the rest of the poem. Still good though.

I'd get rid of the all-caps in NEED. It's not really necessary, and it's kind of destracting in a poem.

What I liked was how the beginning seemed so simple and almost innocent and pleading, and then it turns to... the end... Very good build-up!



*adna*

It was definetly interesting, and a little creepy (I shouldn't be talking, I wrote a poem about the world ending...). that's ok though, it was good. The rhyming did flow, and Adnamarine said:Don't use caps. Maybe use italics instead? I think it might have more effect that way, without distracting whoever is reading it with the large caps.The ending was good, the repititon made an emphasis. a good effect. Overall, this was a good poem.
Keep writing!
~MV

this is a really good poam and it is my sort of thing and i think that you have a really good thing going.
Keep up the good work.
evieffizz

Hi there

Ok, honestly I found this to be really great. It was a really nice poem. I little rough in the middle of it, but other than that, I liked it.

Great job