The Tree

Standing upright; hands extended upwards, presenting her leafy blessing to the heavens. The Tree Goddess embodies everything beautiful and graceful. Shes a home for lost creatures or protection from her Mother's fury, just stay by her and she shall envelope you in her care. The Tree Goddess's favorite thing is dancing. Her arms, hands, and leaves will sway to the beat of a breeze and both shall sing the tune of her Mother. She puts so much emotion into her dance that she loses herself and if not for the breeze stopping her, she would happily dance for all eternity. Her Mother is jealous of her daghters beautiful dance and will sometimes send lightning to burn her, wind to remove her beautiful leaves and knock her to the ground. But this does not stop the Tree Goddess from dancing and living , it just makes her life a little more interesting.

I've always thought this about trees(kinda) and I hope you enjoyed my work. So critique away!

find_the_reason wrote:Standing upright; hands extended upwards, presenting her leafy blessing to the heavens.

Hm...I'm not really so nice in the grammar department but I believe your semi-colon would best be a comma.

The Tree Goddess embodies everything beautiful and graceful.

You should describe this. Deescribe how her leaves flutter like a skirt in the wind. Her frame....anything. What makes her beautiful?

Shes a home for lost creatures or protection from her Mother's fury, just stay by her and she shall envelope you in her care.

Try not to address the crowd through a second-person point of view. Maybe say "anything standing by her would be enveloped in warm protection."

I enjoyed this. It's an interesting way to describe a tree - but I think you should expand and show us imagery and show us the facts rather than telling us.

This seems like it would belong more in the Poetry. Not in Other Fiction. It was creative and thoughtful, and I liked it, however. If you really want this to be more as a story than add some spice to it. Maybe the tree is threatened by some men with axes. Maybe it's getting old and lonely. Give this tree a name, a setting.

It is perfect as it is, but AS A POEM.

Although KJ had a good idea with turning this into a poem, I think it's good as it is. It's not often you come across a short, sweet, meaningful narratives. Nowdays they're all about people suffering romance or tragedy. Never about trees. This is very refreshing and it made me feel like I was dancing with trees.

Don't make this a poem! A short paragraph is very romantic.

KJ wrote:It is perfect as it is, but AS A POEM.

Someone beat me to it..

But if you're still wanting to keep it as fiction, then maybe you should think about reworking the scene a bit. If it's largely based on the goddess dancing, then maybe you should describe the scene a bit more, explain the dance, how she moves in it, how she looks (emotionally) as she doing it...etc.

This is an interesting piece and I think it would be better if you describe more of the scenes and such..