Death do us Part

Waking up is a part of my pain,
The world is on my shoulders,
It’s you me and complete disdain,
How could you let this go this far,
It’s broke beyond repair,
Do you even care?

How could I be so foolish?
It’s like I’m not even there,
Death do us apart

[Chorus]
Death do us apart,
You ripped out my heart,
And you never took it back,
I look at you,
So distraught,
Don’t say it’s not my fault
Death did us apart,

How could you say that?
How could you mean that?
Everything you say is lies,
Why…why,
Did you leave me hurt inside,
Why… why
Did you let those tears leave my eyes?

How could I be so foolish?
It’s like I’m not even there
Death do us apart,

[Chorus]

Now I see everything in black and white,
When you left, everything died away
It was over when your soul died,
Death did us apart

[Chorus x4]
Last time: Your death did us apart

I thought of this song at lunch and I thought it be good for me to sing in my band. Comments appeciated.

I REALLY like the chorus. All of the lyrics all really good, though. I like the depth of it all.

I like this lyric, it's deep and has a good meter. One thing I picked up on, though, was the way you say 'Death do/did us apart' - whereas the title of the song is 'Death do us part'. The word 'apart' doesn't make sense; you need to look at the actual sentence to see this:

Death did us part
Death did part us
Death parted us
We were parted by death

Whatever way you say it, the word 'apart' doesn't fit.

That's my only criticism though. I really like it, especially the second verse, and it reads really well. Keep up the good work