Lily of My Heart
Part 3: Eclipse in My Heart
Two dark eyes bore through my soul like sun rays. I could feel their heat as I stared back. I closed my eyes holding back the fresh tears. A soft hand caressed my cheek, and a kiss graced my forehead.
It was my mom and dad. They came in after they heard me screaming my heart out. My mom tried asking me what was wrong but all she got were muffled words. My dad tried to hold me but I pushed him away. Nothing could soothe me now. After a while of failed comforting, they left. Leaving me to swim in my sorrow and drown in my pain.
I watched as the light peered into my room. Even though the blue of the day was so bright, darkness continued to consume my soul. I let the tears soak my pillow as I remembered my horrible dream.
Everyone was screaming and taking out their phones. I stood there, calm as could be without taking my eyes off of him. His eyes stared right through my eyes and into my heart. He whispered "I love you" and then he jumped.
The dream ran through my mind a million times while I took my shower.
He did say I love you before he jumped. I remember him mouthing the three worded promise. That is why he killed himself. It was because of me. I didn't tell him that I loved him before it was too late.
Regret filled my soul again as I let the warm water caress my body. The smell of my shampoo filled my nose, making tears roll down my cheek.
I didn't know that he loved this fragrance. After all this time I thought he hated it. I thought that that was the reason for him ignoring me.
As I dried myself off, I stared at my face in the mirror. I didn't see me anymore. I didn't see the blond-haired, brown-eyed girl that always had a smile on her face anymore. All I saw was a tortured soul with dark bags under her eyes. I saw a girl who felt that life wasn't important anymore.
Disturbed by the look, I switched the light off and opened the bathroom door. The smell of coffee tickled my nose as I inhaled. I swiftly made it back to my room and shut the door tightly behind me. Tears burned my eyes as I fought to hold them back.
I am going to win this war. I am not going to let this pain become me. I can be strong. I can move on.
I kept chanting my little positive speech in my head, hoping that it would help. To fully tune out my thoughts, I turned on my radio and turned the sound up.
Its too late to apologize
Its too late
Its too lateBlasted in my room, making the pain I tried to subdue worsen. I quickly changed the station, not determined to give up yet.
Tired of running from the words that really weren't the cause for the hole in my chest, I stopped on a station and ran to my bed. I listened carefully, holding my torso just in case the song that was coming on would break me down.
letters that we don't send
say the things we mean most
they remain inside us
haunting holding
when i dream i cant sleep
when i miss i miss you
when i leave it always leaves me
wanting wanting
I let the song speak my thoughts, swaying back and forth to the beat, surrendering myself to the words of the song.
dont give up on me
we may need a miracle
when i look at you theres an angel who
never left me completely
dont give up on me
cause we are[/i]
when i look at you i see an angel that wants to leave
dont you give up on me[/i]
As the song droned on, the hole in my soul got bigger. It was if I was being pulled into a dark abyss, drowning in an endless sea of sorrow. I held the tears back as I got up and turned the radio off. I promised myself that I was not going to fall apart.
I quickly got dressed and headed downstairs to the smell of coffee and toast. My mind would have no choice but to beat quiet. My dad sat at the round oak table, in the middle of the kitchen, quietly, skimming through today's newspaper. Coffee was filled to the brim, in his broken white and green "Best Dad" mug.
As I walked in, his eyes cautiously lifted from his paper. I smiled lightly and sat down at the table. Slowly, he put his paper down, and glued his eyes on my face.
"Good Morning, Adri." my dad said softly.
"Hey dad." I replied.
"Do you want me to fix you breakfast?" my dad asked, standing up.
Fear filled my father's dark green eyes. A strand of his long red hair, escaped from a pony tail as he moved towards the fridge. I shook my head slowly and stood up.
"Dad, its ok. I'll get some McDonald's, besides I need to go pick up Jenna." I assured him.
"Adrianna I don't want to see anything like that again, you scared your mother and me." my dad explained sadly.
I stared at my dad intently and
Dear Diary,
I feel like I'm in an insane asylum, because of the way I feel. My heart is racing against the clock, and my soul is dying slowly. There is no cure for this pain.
The sun is shining and the sky is blue. The birds outside my window chirp a cheery tune, and sounds of laughter from the street below my window fill the air. Even people at school went back to the way they were before Daniel's death.
It's been one week since the funeral, but it feels like an eternity of sorrow. I feel as if the sun and the moon of my soul has collided, creating an eclipse in my heart. Now living is like dying slowly.
[/i]
I closed my diary and stuffed it back under my pillow.
The truth always seems good on a piece of paper
Note: Okay I know I have some people who think that this should have ended at Part 1 but I have way more who want to read more and I am really having fun writing this so I will continue. I just need to figure out whats going to happen in this part that will totally turn this story around. I promise that I'll get back to this as soon as possible.[i]
