Why I'm considered a psycho... (Chapter Two)

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Chapter 2----A FREAKNING Unicorn


I can already see the pained looks of my parents behind that mirror-thingy. But they raised me to tell the truth so…here I go.

Yes, at the time I thought I was dreaming. So I pinched myself. Can you say ouch?

“Why in the world did you just pinch yourself?” The unicorn was FREAKING talking to me.

“Because I’m trying to wake up.”

“Believe me, you’re awake.” The unicorn rolled his eyes. A FREAKING unicorn just rolled its eyes at me.

What did you say? Fine, I’ll stop yelling freaking into the tape recorder. You guys are no fun!

Anywho…is that actually a word?

Anyway, I sat up and looked at the unicorn. For a full minute. It was pure white with sparkling blue eyes. Literally, they were sparkling. Its horn or alicorn…or whatever was white with a tinge of an icy blue.

“Will you stop staring at me? It creeps me out.”

“Oh…sorry.”

“I’m Xavier.” Why do all mythical creatures have awesome names? Can’t they just be named something simple like...Bob.

Their telling me that I’m rambling. I probably am.

“Leah.” I stood up.

“Why are you here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Honestly, maybe I am crazy. I should be freaking out right now when all I can do is hand out sarcastic remarks to a mythical creature. MOST people would spaz out, but I (the invincible one) act totally awesome and cool and stuff.

“I live here.”

“I…uh…work here.” The unicorn coughed, I think he was trying not to laugh. I should start referring to him as Xavier now.

I started walking away and Xavier followed me. Let me tell you, it took everything I had in me to not yell ‘stalker.’ But that isn’t really something you yell at a not-so-mythical-creature.

“How could you work here?”

“I was hired. Its something that we humans—“

“I know what being hired means, you incompetent idiot.” If I wasn’t so pissed at a unicorn, I might’ve laughed.

“How am I incompetent?” My hands were on my hips and I glared angrily at Xavier.

“You were asleep.”

“I—“How was I supposed to answer to that? Huh? If you know the answer, you could have told me earlier.

“Exactly. Now us unicorns, we would never fall asleep on the job. Especially me, I’m one of the most tireless ones of us.”

“Us? There are more of you?” Can unicorns sigh? I’m pretty sure this one did.

“What? You thought I was the last one? Humans really are stupid.” Do you know how hard it is to glare at a unicorn? If you ever come across a unicorn, don’t even try it.

“And unicorns are perfect?”

“Why yes, we are.”

“Then why is someone as perfect as you talking to a low-life like me?” By the look he gave me, you’d think it was as obvious as what is my name…I didn’t think it was.

“You’re a virgin.” To most people at school, this would be a shock. I do sometimes…uh…under dress, but I truthfully am a virgin. The fact that a unicorn was following me around for it kind of creeped me out…

“Like I didn’t know that already. I’m leaving now, goodbye.”

“Okay.” He just turned and left! Aren’t unicorns supposed to be completely seduced by virgins or something? (Can you people tell that I was very uneducated? So much for school)

“Hey!”

“What now, pathetic human?”

“Why in the world does it matter that I’m a virgin?”

“Because you’re pure, now go away.” Xavier ran off.

I was stunned, and then playback of what happened. For some reason, it clicked in my brain that I’d just seen a mythical creature.

“Oh my God!” I was screaming, “I’m crazy, I’m freaking crazy!”

“Calm down, Leah. Just walk back here and you’ll be okay.” Mr. Larson’s voice was coming in though my right ear.

“Everything is not going to be okay! I just had a conversation with a unicorn! A freaking UNICORN. Emphasis on the unicorn part!”

“Just come back, okay honey?”
"What are you doing?"
"I've got paint and rollers...water sking"~The Philanthropist

Don't push the Red Button




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I feel a bit stupid for reading this before I read the first chapter, but whatever. I thought this was really funny especially Xavier. xD

You have a lot a dialog going on here. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's just the bare bones of what a chapter should be. You should try adding more imagery and action.

Anyways....I just wanted to point out one more thing, why did she tell the unicorn she was leaving and then just stand there and ask it to come back? Also, sometimes the MC was a bit too predictable. It seems like after every time the unicorn speaks she just goes "omg a freaking unicorn!!!" but I don't get a lot of emotion from her. Just that...I think you should add more to your character she's rather skeletal also.

Over all, this piece is fair. I like it because it's funny and light and Xavier, of course...but it needs more work fleshing it out into an actual story.

(*goes to read first one*)
Maybe you should kiss someone nice or lick a rock, or both - Regina Spektor




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I agree, it could use a little more imagery but then again this is a statement the girl is making into a tape recorder, but it would be nice if there was more description. A couple of spelling mistakes here and there, try reading it backwards to make sure its all spelled correctly, our era may have a spell check system but they don't exactly catch words that aren't spelled the way they are supposed to be. Example, though and through.

Continue this story, I enjoy reading it :D
Porcelain skin stained with tears,
Hands covering her face to hide from her fears.




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This is definitely entertaining!
I feel so confused though. Maybe you could explain a little earlier on what exactly is going on with this girl. All I understand is that she ran away, she randomly got a job (but what is her job...is it seriously just walking around outside?), and now she is having a conversation with a unicorn. WHY?? It just doesnt' really make sense to me, but like I said before it's entertaining.




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Very very good job on this. Your characters are still just as lovable and real (Well, as real as a unicorn can be) as always.

However, watch your transitions again. Some of them were still lacking a bit. And maybe you should put in more description. You have a lot of dialog, which is definitely a good thing, but sometimes we need more from the situation.

Xavier is so cool. I love his attitude. His sarcasm is really funny. And of course Leah was great. Anyways, awesome job, chick!
Twisted and turned like a funhouse mirror, you're the one who's gone and I'm the one who's here. Thrashing and fighting, trying to destroy me, this is what we could be. I am what you should be.




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Very funny, good work. I found Leah believable, as in the first chapter. The dialogue is good, but you could improve the story by adding imagery and more description of what's happening. Anyway, I look forward to reading more! :D




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Very good Jeeves. I always find this story entertaining and wish you would put up That Dang CHAPTER 3!

There needs to be more imagery like everyone else has been saying. Have them move around the field while talking, Leah getting more and more freaked out by the unicorn beside her. I mean, who wouldn't totally feint or *for boys* pass out once they have seen a unicorn, who up till that point, thought that the stupid creature didn't exist!

Anyway, good job and write CHAPTER 3!!!!!!!!!!
"Oh please don't tell me you're archaeologists."

"Do you have a problem with archaeologists?"

"I'm a time traveler. I laugh at archaeologists."

~Doctor Who



That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can fly.
— Rick Riordan, The Ship of the Dead