Ride to Me-Chapter One

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All right. This isn't bad. First things first, though. You've got to get the formatting right, because it's driving me crazy. Whenever someone new speaks, you should start a new paragraph:

Raven sat Ashley down on the lovely king sized, black canopy bed and she sighed exhausted and hurt.
"Can I look at you?", Raven asked. "Sure, I did say you could help me", Ashley smiled. Raven's
eyes slowly traced over her mind, examining each cell and emotion that fled through her, he then
examined her body looking over her veins, the skin that was inflicted and he frowned. "I think
you may need stitches for those cuts I'm afraid", he said.

Should be:

Raven sat Ashley down on the lovely king sized, black canopy bed and she sighed exhausted and hurt.
"Can I look at you?", Raven asked.

"Sure, I did say you could help me", Ashley smiled.

Raven's
eyes slowly traced over her mind, examining each cell and emotion that fled through her, he then
examined her body looking over her veins, the skin that was inflicted and he frowned. "I think
you may need stitches for those cuts I'm afraid", he said.

Also, read this aloud to yourself. There are so many simple mistakes with the wording and punctuation that I think I'll go crazy trying to help fix them all. As a general rule, if you pause while reading something, there should probably be a comma there, and if you stop, there should be a period. A single, full thought should be it's own sentence. For instance, in that first paragraph, the comma after "her" in the second-to-last sentence should probably be a period, making the second part of the sentence its own sentence.

Apart from all the grammar and syntax and formatting errors, this is good. I like the thought and the progression.

Ok, I REALLY like it. You've got something going here. Could be big. The story is seems really interesting, and I like the way you described his method of healing. Other than a couple grammar problems, there's only one thing that need improvement on. This is chapter one, right? (If it isn't I'm going to look like a complete idiot.) Well, I didn't really get what was going one. In the first chapter, shouldn't there be more description? Like it's explaining the story, the lay of the land. But you kinda jumped into it so fast I couldn't even tell where you landed. But keep at it, it's terrific!