Deleted

Deleted.

I've read this already but I thought I'd review it because I'm bored.

Heidigirl666 wrote:He was laughing, so loud he could be heard above everything else, above the mismatched music, the chatting and flirting and the football on the crackly TV set in the kitchen.

This seems a bit long winded but that's just me being picky, it's probably fine.

He shouldn't be here, he kept thinking,

Don't know if you really need "he kept thinking", it seems a bit out of place, like it's just hanging off the end.

feeling from being crushed between writhing bodies

I get it, there's lots of people inside >_< Stop reminding me, I don't have Alzheimer's

Someone came out of the house behind him, he felt him more than saw him at first, and heard the door click shut, and without a word he sat down on the same step and lit a cigarette.

I think that first bit would be more effective as a single sentence, so the first comma would be a full stop (capital letter ). This may turn into a veery long critique. I warned you I was bored.

Pete glanced towards him; it was the man, that man, the laughing one,

Maybe this should just be "that man", rather than "the man, that man" which sounds kind of strange and repetetive.

smoking in silence in the almost dark

Almost dark? Sounds like someone couldn't think of a better word

and drank a lot of whisky mixed with marijuana and cigarettes.

This sounds like they're mixing marijuana into their whiskey and tossing their cigarette butts in. Yum yum.

I don't know if it should maybe end before Pete goes back to his flat...even though the bit with Michael is part of the story I don't know if it fits. I'm not sure. Anyway apart from those few small things it's all good. I give you 9.574 out of 10 XD

Are you trying to be funny?

All good points though. I do have a habit of repeating things.

And I could think of another word. I like saying it's almost dark. So there. ....might change it though.

Ooh, I hate it when you're right.