Prowlers of the Night (Chapter One)

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Chapter One

The wolf howled up at the ghostly sphere, its dagger-sharp teeth glistening eerily. Its eyes were sky blue, and its ears pointed and upright. The wolf’s ears pricked slightly, as low rustle could be heard in the near by bushes. Something glinted from the shade of the trees. The wolf had sensed danger earlier, so she knew something was coming and silently crept by the bushes and lay flat down-ready to pounce. The wolf growled violently, trying to warn the enemy off. But it was too late, far too late. The metal thudded into its flank, knocking the air from its lungs. The wolf yelped in pain and made a desperate attempt, limping to safety, but -- bang. The second bullet put it out of its misery and the wolf landed with a loud thud. Its eyes were open but still. A large shadow appeared out of the bushes and strolled casually towards the bloody corpse.

*
A big man towered over the wolf, examining his handiwork. He smiled as rotated his gun with his index finger, blowing the barrel. His eyes were shielded by long black hair, but his mouth revealed stained and chipped teeth. He had a cocky air about him; he laughed quietly to himself as he stared at the wolf's limp, blood-soaked corpse. He wore leather boots and a light brown suit. At each side a revolver was pocketed, the gold trimmed handles poking out of the holsters. He grinned as he unsheathed a hidden blade in his shoe. He stared admiringly at it, as it glinted in the darkness, before sinking it into the wolf. With the knife he dug it deeper and deeper in the flesh, before finally he found and flicked out the last bullet that was lodged deep inside her. He lent his head back and tried a poor attempt and howling at the moon. He pulled a bottle of whiskey out. And moments later, when the bottle was half empty he dozed off.

*
Something suddenly spooked the man and his eyes shot open. He sat up and stared puzzled at the wolf. He didn't remember much in the last few hours, but he seemed pretty sure that the wolf was cut up and drenched in blood. But now the wolf’s fur was as it should be; dirty, scruffy and blood free. The man shrugged it off as he picked up the whiskey and started downing it again, getting himself wasted silly.

*
The wolf’s eyes flickered to life. The man’s night wasn't over yet. He had just made a new enemy. One that wasn't as forgiving as the previous and one that was as reckless as him.




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I like this.

Slight warning though, the 'mysterious air' has been done countless times (by myself included).

Keep writing,

Risa
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"I've got paint and rollers...water sking"~The Philanthropist

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Was interesting, but not terribly exciting. It has the whole monster movie feel to it.




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I liked it. I do think you did a very good job. :)


My one peeve was the ending, which didn't seem to fit right. :)

See ya around!

~Lupis




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The wolf’s ears pricked slightly, as low rustle could be heard in the near by bushes.

You don't need the comma after slightly. Just ditch it.
The wolf had sensed danger earlier, so she knew something was coming and silently crept by the bushes and lay flat down-ready to pounce.

I personally think it sounds bad when you have too many of the word 'and'. Rephrase this as so: 'The wolf had sensed danger earlier, so she knew something was coming. She silently crept by the bushes and laid down-ready to pounce.'
He smiled as rotated his gun with his index finger, blowing the barrel.

You forgot the 'he' after 'as'.
The wolf’s eyes flickered to life. The man’s night wasn't over yet. He had just made a new enemy. One that wasn't as forgiving as the previous and one that was as reckless as him.

I agree with canuslupis. The ending doesn't fit that well. Try and make it creepier.

Other than that stuff this wasn't that bad. It wasn't too scary, but it was a little ominous. Overall your style was pretty good and you had good descriptions. Good job.
Trying to get to heaven without Jesus is like climbing to the summit of Mount Everest naked. You die before it happens.




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It was okay. I liked your details and surrounding descriptions. I also liked the mysterious quality to it, used a lot or not. I don't really have anything negative to say. So good job, and write on.



A wizard is never late. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.
— Gandalf